lessons learned

Although my mom was never happy to have 3 overweight children, she did her best to always make sure that we felt confident no matter what weight we were. It wasn't until I was out of high school that she started talking about my weight. I guess she felt that since I was an adult she could mention it without causing too much damage. Or perhaps it was when I started to get over 200 that it started to matter.

Shortly after my sister's gastric bypass, my mom really started to harp on my weight. Though, it was never outright always half-said or in a passing comment. I was never hurt by her comments regarding my weight, I just really didn't want to hear them. I knew I was fat - did I really need my mother reminding me? One Easter I had enough and I told her what I thought about her comments - right there in my bra, underwear and pantyhose. She cried. I felt bad. She stopped ... for awhile.

I think about these things as I have conversations with my stepdaughter (SD). She isn't large but according to her BMI she is overweight. SD reminds me a lot of myself at her age. Big boobs and all. Her father and I have always talked openly about how we wanted to lose weight. She (and her younger brother) talk about how they like being "pleasingly plump." That phrase - that I despise - comes from their mother, who is probably on the light end of the obese scale (BMI 30ish) herself. I saw an e-mail that she sent to SD back when SD first started living with us about a year ago. SD had lost some weight when she first moved in with us simply because we cook actual meals at our house and don't let them eat junk or drink soda all day long. The e-mail referenced SD's weightloss and said that she hoped that SD wouldn't lose too much weight b/c what would she have to hold on to. REALLY? Your daughter who already weighs more than an adult should is losing weight and you discourage her?

I try to remind all of my children - while at the same time loving them for who they are - that we all should want to strive to be as healthy as possible. Eat right and move more. I tell them even the skinny one (5'9 - 125lbs) shouldn't eat junk food all the time and that playing video games does not constitute activity. I make sure that they know loving yourself and being confident should come at any weight but that being healthy is also important.

When I told all the kids about my upcoming surgery, they were shocked. The oldest/skinny one told my mom that he didn't want me to have surgery because he loved me the way I am. I made sure to explain to them that my desire to lose weight/have surgery had nothing to do with not being happy or confident, it had everything to do with the fact that I wanted to live long enough to see them grow up.

Even with all that said, this PostSecret (you should check out the blog) touched something inside me.

one day to go

Today is my required 24hrs of clear liquids prior to surgery. I took the day off from work so that I could get the house in order before going to the hospital tomorrow. My parents will be here to help my husband with the  children and to make sure I am resting like I should. Of course them coming makes me feel the extra need to straighten up today.

I also have to FINALLY go get supplies for my clear and full liquids weeks. Last night I had a good southern girl last meal - Bojangles chicken-n-biscuits. It was tastey. I had planned to have a piece of apple pie before going to bed but I was so stuffed that I didn't even try it. Guess that's a step in the right direction.

Speaking of meals - how have those of you with children, husbands, significant others handled cooking dinner while you were on liquids? Did you get the other adult to cook for a few weeks or did you muster through?

don't ask, don't tell?

We were planning to tell all the kids together about my decision to have WLS and what it will mean for me and our family. However, two of the three stepkids have been at their mom's house all summer so we just haven't had a chance to have a family meeting.

The eldest stepkid is in the mist of his two weeks of "Nana Camp" - spending time at my parents' house doing swim lessons, chess lessons, bike rides, etc. Sometime last week he overheard my parents talking about "when Nicole has surgery..." and it totally freaked him out. In an effort to calm him, my parents decided to tell him about the WLS and tried to answer any questions that he had.

He told my mom that he loved me no matter what I weighed. She was suprised by just how much love he showed towards me. Makes me smile just thinking about it. :)

So now we have to tell the other two and what I am really worried about is that they won't be able to handle it especially with the situation going on with their mother. I don't want the 8 yr old thinking he might lose both his real mother and me all at the same time. Those of you with kids - how did you tell them?

I've told my parents, siblings, and boss because she had to approve my being out of work. I haven't yet told any of my friends or coworkers. Billy told at least one of his siblings but I'm not sure who else (guess I should ask him tonight).

Who all did you choose to tell/not tell? How did you tell people and what was their response?

there's a lesion on my liver ... get it off *clap*clap*

Ok so maybe "happy and you know it" isn't the most appropriate song reference but it just popped into my head.

I heard back from the nurse regarding the request for me to have an MRI. The radiologist who reviewed my ultrasound saw a spot on my liver. They want me to have the MRI to get a better look at whatever it may be.

My mom has several spots on her liver (all benign) so I am hoping this is just another thing I inherited from her. Not as cool as big boobs but not as snotty as allergies.

So back to the hospital I go next week to have the MRI. You should have heard the list of precautionary questions the tech asked before she could schedule me for the actual procedure. Do you have a pacemaker; do you have metal shards in your head, eyes, or body; do you have a mechanical valve; do you have a hearing aid; do you have any eights (GO FISH!!).

I've had an MRI before for my torn ACL but this time I will have to go all the way into the machine. Hopefully they will have something to put over my eyes so I don't get the "OMG I'm in a casket syndrome."

i miss him!

My mom has my son Aidan this week for his first attempt at swim lessons. At 8 months old I am sure it is more "play in the water" lessons but it's more about exposure than technique.

My parents are such awesome grandparents. Even though they live an hour and 1/2 away, I swear they see him at least every 2 weeks. They took care of him while I delt with my post-partem complications, they watch him if Billy and I need a night out, they kept him quarantined when I had pneumonia, and now swim lessons for 2 weeks! He is so lucky to have such a great Nana and Papa.


Last night my husband said - it is too quiet around here. It is true. My 3 step-children are spending the summer with their very sick mother trying to spend as much time together as possible. And now Aidan is gone, too! I told Billy last night "this is what it will be like when we get old ... just the 2 of us ... that going to be ok?" He smiled and said "of course."


Fortunately, my mom is bringing him home for the weekend. She and papa will need a few days rest before week #2.


Here's Aidan about a month ago with his new found love of dill pickles. How could you not miss those big blue eyes?

tests and decisions

I had my big pre-op testing on Monday. EKG, Upper GI, RUQ Ultrasound, Chest X-ray, and blood work - WHEW! What a way to spend a Monday morning.

I think that the people doing those tests were much more interested in my upcoming surgery than the nutritionist I met with last week. They asked lots of questions and seemed truly excited for me. It was odd having all these strangers knowing that I was going to have WLS. I haven't even told my best friend yet!

My mom went with me so that my husband didn't have to take time off work. She is paying for all of my pre-op testing as my big 30th birthday present. She originally gave me a choice between a trip or jewerly. I decided last weekend to ask her for pre-op instead. My insurance covers most of it but Monday's tests alone were almost $300 out-of-pocket. I think I made the right decision. Is there a better present out there than a new healthy life?

Here we are at my birthday dinner - 2 years ago.

motherly advice

My mom and I went to see the Jersey Boys this past weekend. It was a pretty good show even if I was her 2nd choice date (dad was sick).


We talked quite a bit about my decision to have the lap-band. She asked a lot of questions and of course almost cried. She kept saying "if this is what you want to do ...." I don't know what to make of that. She has talked about me having WLS since 2003. She wanted me to do it at the same time my sister had her gastric bypass but I refused. She has mentioned it no less than once a month for the past 6 years and now that I am finally going to do it she says "if this is what you want to do ...." I just don't get it!

Anyone else out there have parents who talk about your weight constantly?