Weight Loss Tracker

Friday, June 19, 2009

the past 3 years

I am so disappointed in myself. How did I let myself get this way?

I did so well on Weight Watchers almost 3 years ago. I lost about 40lbs in just 6 months. I worked hard at it too. I had a goal - we were getting married and I didn't want to look like a cow in my wedding dress. Then we decided to elope and there went all my motivation. Billy didn't care how much I weighed so why should I?

One year went by and what did I do ... I regained it all!

I don't blame anyone except myself - though it was a damn hard year. We got married, bought a house, gained custody of his oldest son (12 at the time), and then his job temporarily transferred him to California (for 6 months)! Whew, am I glad that year is over.

When he got back from California we did what any good newlywed couple would do in that situation - if you know what I mean. Turns out though ... even after years of doctors telling me I was infertile and even though I was on the pill ... lots of F'ing will get you pregnant!

So there I was, back at my highest weight ever and pregnant (2008). Pregnancy did not sit well with my body. I got gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, and eventually pre-eclampsia. After a week and 1/2 on hospitalized bed rest, our lovely Aidan was born via emergency c-section. Soon after that I went into congestive heart failure, had to have a blood transfusion, and spent another week in the hospital.

Finally after a couple of months dealing with an incision that wouldn't heal and blood pressure that wouldn't go down ... I made it through my post-partum phase. By the time it was all said and done, Aidan was almost 3 months old and I was just beginning to feel like myself again. During that time, Billy's ex-wife was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and we gained custody of his other 2 children. Talk about a life-changing experience. We went from 1 kid to 4 kids in a matter of two weeks.

I returned to work in January nearly 2 months earlier than expected because Billy had been laid off and there was no need in both of us being home with the baby. While I welcomed the return to work, it was difficult at best. I missed being home with Aidan. I still do and probably always will.

So there it is - 3 years in less than 7 paragraphs. I'm hoping the next 3 years will be just as dramatic but in a more positive sense. I look forward to losing weight and being able to give my son the mom he deserves.

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