Weight Loss Tracker

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

don't ask, don't tell?

We were planning to tell all the kids together about my decision to have WLS and what it will mean for me and our family. However, two of the three stepkids have been at their mom's house all summer so we just haven't had a chance to have a family meeting.

The eldest stepkid is in the mist of his two weeks of "Nana Camp" - spending time at my parents' house doing swim lessons, chess lessons, bike rides, etc. Sometime last week he overheard my parents talking about "when Nicole has surgery..." and it totally freaked him out. In an effort to calm him, my parents decided to tell him about the WLS and tried to answer any questions that he had.

He told my mom that he loved me no matter what I weighed. She was suprised by just how much love he showed towards me. Makes me smile just thinking about it. :)

So now we have to tell the other two and what I am really worried about is that they won't be able to handle it especially with the situation going on with their mother. I don't want the 8 yr old thinking he might lose both his real mother and me all at the same time. Those of you with kids - how did you tell them?

I've told my parents, siblings, and boss because she had to approve my being out of work. I haven't yet told any of my friends or coworkers. Billy told at least one of his siblings but I'm not sure who else (guess I should ask him tonight).

Who all did you choose to tell/not tell? How did you tell people and what was their response?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

there's a lesion on my liver ... get it off *clap*clap*

Ok so maybe "happy and you know it" isn't the most appropriate song reference but it just popped into my head.

I heard back from the nurse regarding the request for me to have an MRI. The radiologist who reviewed my ultrasound saw a spot on my liver. They want me to have the MRI to get a better look at whatever it may be.

My mom has several spots on her liver (all benign) so I am hoping this is just another thing I inherited from her. Not as cool as big boobs but not as snotty as allergies.

So back to the hospital I go next week to have the MRI. You should have heard the list of precautionary questions the tech asked before she could schedule me for the actual procedure. Do you have a pacemaker; do you have metal shards in your head, eyes, or body; do you have a mechanical valve; do you have a hearing aid; do you have any eights (GO FISH!!).

I've had an MRI before for my torn ACL but this time I will have to go all the way into the machine. Hopefully they will have something to put over my eyes so I don't get the "OMG I'm in a casket syndrome."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

yet another test

Got a call from the Dr. today letting me know that I need to have an MRI as part of my pre-surgical workup. This is not part of the regular pre-op program so I was totally caught off guard.

The first lady I spoke with tried to reassure me that this "just needs to be done sometimes." Of course that answer didn't cut it for me and my control issues. So I've called back and now I am waiting for a nurse to call me.

Anyone else have to have an MRI as part of pre-op testing?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

i want my babyback babyback babyback

and i don't mean ribs!!

we are headed to my parent's house sometime today to get Aidan back. he has been doing swim lessons with his nana for almost 2 weeks! we did have a few days with him last weekend but i think this is the longest he has been away since he was born.

my brother posted some videos on facebook but i can't seem to figure out how to get them off of there and on here. i told him just to make me copies of the originals so hopefully i can post them sometime early next week.

speaking of facebook, feel free to "friend me" there. i don't talk about WLS b/c not everyone knows but i always welcome more friends. i am "mamawood" there too.

we will be dropping off Billy jr. for his turn at swim lessons. i think he is really nervous about being the oldest kid there that doesn't know how to swim. i know he will do just fine as long as he tries.

hope all is well. have a great weekend everybody!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Co-workers and Bathing Suits

This weekend we went to a birthday party for my co-worker's son. He was turning 4 and since they spend most of their free time at the pool of course he wanted a pool party. All of our kids wanted to go since we don't go swimming as a family very often.

I know that people at work know that I am fat. It's not like I'm totally delusional but there is something to be said about them knowing I'm fat in work clothes vs. them knowing I am fat in a bathing suit. Especially since the co-worker throwing the party weighs like 90lbs and runs marathons! She's really nice and I don't think she is very judgemental - it's just the thought of it all hanging out there.

I don't have a problem with total strangers looking/making mental comments but as soon as I have to see that person making the judgement on a daily basis - I am totally self conscious. I didn't used to be this way!!

I wanted to stay in the water and never come out. I felt like the girl in the "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" song. (Of course mine was not itsy bitsy or teenie weenie - but you get the point)

--- Now she's afraid to come out of the water
And I wonder what she's gonna do
Now she's afraid to come out of the water
And the poor little girl's turning blue ---

All that said, I put on a brave face and the kids had a marvelous time. Here we all are in all of our swimming glory!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

speaking of control ...

My husband who suffers from severe acid reflux was complaining last night that his stomache was bothering him and then what did he do -> eat a hersey's bar and drink a coke!

You've got to me kidding me! I couldn't believe he was sitting there eating those things that he knew were going to make him sick. I went to bed and he sat up late because he couldn't lay down without coughing up acid. UGH!

This morning, I realized that it isn't any different than my eating 2 biscuits and a sweet tea each morning. I do it even though I know it is making me fat.

Why do we do these things to ourselves?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

control issues

I met with the psychologist yesterday. It was my first time "on the couch." I swear just being in that room made me want to cry and I wasn't even upset about anything. The Dr. was a very nice young man. I say young man because he couldn't have been any older than I am. If he was, I want to know what kind of skin regime he uses! But I digress ...

He asked me all the standard questions, talked about the pre-op and post-op requirements, and of course tried to dive deep into my psyche all in a 30 min appointment. The most interesting and resonating thing that he said was that I have control issues - especially in dealing with my weight.

He said that I am highly educated, have a job in public relations (which of couse is all about control), and have a well managed household with 4 kids. And yet I can't seem to gain control over this one area of my life ... my weight and it was driving me mad.

He suggested that I had chosen lap-band over gastric bypass because I felt that the band would allow me to be in control of my weight loss in a way that gastric bypass wouldn't. Deep down I think he is right. I need to be in control of my body, my weight loss, my life. Is that such a bad thing?

And of course my husband thinks it is hilarious that the doc said I have control issues. He said that he had known that for years but that he loves me anyway (even if I am a controling bitch - HA!).

i miss him!

My mom has my son Aidan this week for his first attempt at swim lessons. At 8 months old I am sure it is more "play in the water" lessons but it's more about exposure than technique.

My parents are such awesome grandparents. Even though they live an hour and 1/2 away, I swear they see him at least every 2 weeks. They took care of him while I delt with my post-partem complications, they watch him if Billy and I need a night out, they kept him quarantined when I had pneumonia, and now swim lessons for 2 weeks! He is so lucky to have such a great Nana and Papa.

Last night my husband said - it is too quiet around here. It is true. My 3 step-children are spending the summer with their very sick mother trying to spend as much time together as possible. And now Aidan is gone, too! I told Billy last night "this is what it will be like when we get old ... just the 2 of us ... that going to be ok?" He smiled and said "of course."

Fortunately, my mom is bringing him home for the weekend. She and papa will need a few days rest before week #2.

Here's Aidan about a month ago with his new found love of dill pickles. How could you not miss those big blue eyes?

tests and decisions

I had my big pre-op testing on Monday. EKG, Upper GI, RUQ Ultrasound, Chest X-ray, and blood work - WHEW! What a way to spend a Monday morning.

I think that the people doing those tests were much more interested in my upcoming surgery than the nutritionist I met with last week. They asked lots of questions and seemed truly excited for me. It was odd having all these strangers knowing that I was going to have WLS. I haven't even told my best friend yet!

My mom went with me so that my husband didn't have to take time off work. She is paying for all of my pre-op testing as my big 30th birthday present. She originally gave me a choice between a trip or jewerly. I decided last weekend to ask her for pre-op instead. My insurance covers most of it but Monday's tests alone were almost $300 out-of-pocket. I think I made the right decision. Is there a better present out there than a new healthy life?

Here we are at my birthday dinner - 2 years ago.