Weight Loss Tracker

Thursday, December 31, 2009

My word for 2010 - Improve


After perusing all the other lovely bandsters' words for 2010, I decided on "improve."



I want to improve a lot of things in 2010. The short list: my health (yay, band), my activity level (got new exercise videos for christmas), my income (resume updated ready to apply for new jobs), my household maintenance (got to find a way to get it all done), and my husband's yard maintenance (ok - so he has to improve that one, but I can encourage).

Here's to all the great things 2010 has in store for all of us.

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 28, 2009

having one of those mornings

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. It was soooooo real. I was attending a baby shower for my soon-to-be-born baby girl Riley. I woke up and felt my belly to be sure. Nope, no baby.

The morning continued with me going through my maternity clothes to put them on craigslist. I don't know what came over me but I just broke out into tears. I sobbed uncontrollably for a good 20 minutes while I sorted things into piles. I just couldn't stop crying. (OK so, maybe the Glee soundtrack CD in the background didn't help.)

I called my husband and he sympathized with me and then he said "I damn near lost you with Aidan and I don't want to ever have that fear again." My mom called too and she, while also reminding me that I almost died, gave me another reason to let go of these maternity clothes. She helped me to realize that if I was to ever want to have another baby that I would NEVER be that size again!!! She is right, even if I was to ever try to get pregnant again, I would never need the 3x-5x maternity clothes that I wore with Aidan.

AND THAT IN ITSELF is the best reason to stop crying and get these clothes sold!

Friday, December 18, 2009

fill #3 and a shout out


I had fill #3 yesterday and according to the doc's scale I had only lost 3lbs in the 3 weeks since my last fill. One freaking lb a week. How annoying!

The FNP put 1cc in my band bringing me to 4ccs in a 14cc band. Really? Can I get a little more? I had a protein shake last night for dinner so I couldn't tell if I had any new restriction or not. I'll try some eggs for breakfast in a bit and see how that goes.

We took the kids to their first Hospice death preparation counseling session last night. Talk about a hard thing to do. They each seemed to like the counselor and hopefully it will be good for them. We have an appointment to go back next week for some more 1 on 1 time. If you are the positive thinking/praying type (which I am not really) please add my childrens' mother to your list. We know she has a very short time left but we are hoping/praying that she can hold on through Christmas.

Sorry for that bit of downer, I do have some good news, too.

There is a new blogger out there who I met through lapbandtalk.com. She's just joining the blogging world after 3 months of being banded. I've had the pleasure of being in e-mail contact with her for about a month and she is an awesome friend. Everyone check out Tina's Big Band Baby Blog.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

it counts!


I was pleasantly surprised to see that the scale moved this morning. I have finally moved past my 10% goal. I moved my ticker to reflect the loss of 33lbs since the start of this WLS journey.

I was thinking maybe I need two tickers. While 33lbs reflects my weight loss since I started the pre-op diet, in the past year I have actually lost 87lbs. Granted, I was 8 months pregnant at my highest weight, but that still counts as LBs lost - right?

It's been 2 months since I was banded. I want it to move faster. It's my fault though. I haven't been drinking enough water and I haven't started a good exercise routine. It doesn't help that I get every stupid cold/virus that my little one brings home from daycare. (like today - sniff sniff, cough, sniff sniff) But I'm the only one that can do it. I need to focus! Drink more water, get off my ass, and move that scale along.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

vlog - take 9 - action!

video

It didn't look so dark on the video camera. Next time I'll turn on the light!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

thanks for weighing in (haha) on my scale dilemma


The thing that gets me is that I would think that I weigh more in the middle of the day than I did in the morning. In the morning I haven't eaten anything and I don't have clothes on! How can I be 3lbs heavier in that scenario than at the doc's office?

Right now it's not such a big deal but the slower the weight comes off the harder it will be to not choose the scale that is the lowest.

Friday, November 20, 2009

who do you trust

I got my 2nd fill today with the lovely nurse practitioner. She told me that she won't be leaving the practice after all - even though she moved 2 hours away. She will still be there on Thursdays/Fridays for awhile longer. YAY! She put in another 1.5ccs giving me a total of 3ccs in my 14cc band. I do find it kind of odd that they don't remove the saline to check how much is in there before they put more in. How would we ever know if I sprung a leak or if they missed the port?

I weighed myself this morning (as every morning) before I got into the shower. My home Weight Watchers scale said 295. I was rather disappointed because that is 1/2 a pound heavier than I was over the weekend but I know that fluxuations occur so I tried not to be too sad.. I was then pleasantly surprised that when they weighed me at the doc's office fully clothed - I weighed 292. That's a 3 pound difference and I had on clothes! So now the big question is do I move my ticker? Do I automatically subtract 3lbs from whatever my home scale says?

Who do you trust?? Your home scale or the one at the doctor's office?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

i've got a fillin' (woohoo)


I finally heard back from my surgeon's office regarding my request to have my fill done earlier than originally scheduled. It was supposed to be December 4th making it 4 weeks from my first fill. I haven't felt any restriction since about the 2nd day after the fill and I've been able to eat just about anything I wanted. Granted, I had the one PB experience but I honestly chaulk that up to not chewing well enough since I had only had 3 bites of food before it happened.

The nurse said that I can schedule a fill as close as 2 weeks from my last fill. I thought about scheduling it next week but then I thought ... what happens if I am too tight and everyone is off celebrating Thanksgiving! So it looks like I will be heading to the doc tomorrow. It will have been 2 weeks and 1 day.


Another banded friend of mine "heard somewhere" that people with larger bands (like me at 14ccs) don't get real restriction until around 9ccs. I'm trying not to focus on that. Like my husband says "don't rush it." A few posts ago, I referenced the green zone diagram that my surgeon uses. I found an image of it online. Right now, I am totally in the yellow zone. Hopefully fill #2 will get me at least a little closer to the green zone.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

new followers abound!

Looks like there are lots of new people joining the banded blog community. I've seen several shoutouts to new followers and it looks like my own list is growing as well. Welcome to our online support group. That sounds too technical. How about, welcome to our loving/caring/sharing online community of friends!

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Bandster Quiz

Bandster Quiz

1. How long have you been banded? 1 month, 2 weeks

2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 321/294/27

3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? cottage cheese

4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? I don't drink them very often but it is Carnation Sugar Free

5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band? Fresh chewy bagels (good answer Angie) or yeast rolls slattered in honey butter

6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? cajun crab dip

7. What was your worst PB experience? I've only PB'd once so far and it started infront of my parents, my children, and my husband.

8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? Being patient with the slow fill process. I want restriction NOW!

9. What is your best NSV to date? Expanding my wardrobe by bringing out clothes that I haven't been able to wear in years.

10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band? (top NSV maybe?) To no longer be the fat sister. My sister was always heavier than me growing up. Then one day she had gastric bypass. All of a sudden (or so it seemed) I was now the fat sister. My ultimate goal is for us to both be the skinny sisters!

11. What is your goal weight or size? I'd like to be a size 12. I'd be smaller than my mom then. I'm sure that hasn't been the case since I was in middle school.

12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? Protein first

13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? I drink soda.

14. What is your goal "reward"? Knee surgery when I get under 200 and plastic surgery when I am at goal.

15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? I am thankful to have such a loving support system. There is no way that I could have made it this far without them. I am also thankful that this holiday season I will be skinnier than I have been in 2 years.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

stop ... turkey time

Stepped on the scale this morning and saw 294! That puts me at 27lbs down and only 5lbs to my turkey test goal. I know I can do it!

After my lovely win on the scale I headed to the breakfast table. We had my parents over this weekend for Billy Jr & Dalton's birthday parties. My mom had gone to get biscuits for breakfast. Now, I've had a biscuit or two since since surgery and everything has been just fine. This morning I ate a little bit of the egg from my biscuit (gotta get protein first) and then reached for a couple of french fries. I had two bites of the fries ... and then it hit me. I was stuck!

I got up, drank some hot coffee, and walked around the kitchen but nothing was working. I walked to the bathroom and it happened. My first PB. I knew it would happen eventually but why did it have to happen in front of all the kids and my parents? Though, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I just coughed and up it came. Needless to say I then had a protein drink for breakfast and only had cottage cheese for lunch.

I'd gotten so comfortable with my non-restriction that I think I had forgotten rule #1 - CHEW CHEW CHEW!!! I've got to remember that especially when it comes to the upcoming holidays. Good to know that my band is actually there.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

lessons learned

Although my mom was never happy to have 3 overweight children, she did her best to always make sure that we felt confident no matter what weight we were. It wasn't until I was out of high school that she started talking about my weight. I guess she felt that since I was an adult she could mention it without causing too much damage. Or perhaps it was when I started to get over 200 that it started to matter.

Shortly after my sister's gastric bypass, my mom really started to harp on my weight. Though, it was never outright always half-said or in a passing comment. I was never hurt by her comments regarding my weight, I just really didn't want to hear them. I knew I was fat - did I really need my mother reminding me? One Easter I had enough and I told her what I thought about her comments - right there in my bra, underwear and pantyhose. She cried. I felt bad. She stopped ... for awhile.

I think about these things as I have conversations with my stepdaughter (SD). She isn't large but according to her BMI she is overweight. SD reminds me a lot of myself at her age. Big boobs and all. Her father and I have always talked openly about how we wanted to lose weight. She (and her younger brother) talk about how they like being "pleasingly plump." That phrase - that I despise - comes from their mother, who is probably on the light end of the obese scale (BMI 30ish) herself. I saw an e-mail that she sent to SD back when SD first started living with us about a year ago. SD had lost some weight when she first moved in with us simply because we cook actual meals at our house and don't let them eat junk or drink soda all day long. The e-mail referenced SD's weightloss and said that she hoped that SD wouldn't lose too much weight b/c what would she have to hold on to. REALLY? Your daughter who already weighs more than an adult should is losing weight and you discourage her?

I try to remind all of my children - while at the same time loving them for who they are - that we all should want to strive to be as healthy as possible. Eat right and move more. I tell them even the skinny one (5'9 - 125lbs) shouldn't eat junk food all the time and that playing video games does not constitute activity. I make sure that they know loving yourself and being confident should come at any weight but that being healthy is also important.

When I told all the kids about my upcoming surgery, they were shocked. The oldest/skinny one told my mom that he didn't want me to have surgery because he loved me the way I am. I made sure to explain to them that my desire to lose weight/have surgery had nothing to do with not being happy or confident, it had everything to do with the fact that I wanted to live long enough to see them grow up.


Even with all that said, this PostSecret (you should check out the blog) touched something inside me.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

testing, testing, 1,2,3

This morning I am proctoring an exam for the State Employees Credit Union. It is a gig my former boss got me into a few years ago. I sit here for 4 hours and make some cash. Not too bad for a Saturday morning.

I only do it a couple of times a year so they are a good group to test my weight loss on. I hadn't seen these folks since August and I was hoping that someone would notice my weight loss so far. I thought someone would mention it while we were waiting for all the students. Nothing. I thought someone would mention it while I was passing out tests. Nothing. I was just about to give up on it when the first person to turn in a test said "Have you lost weight?"

WOO HOO - VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!

Speaking of weight loss, I stepped on the scale this morning (as I do every morning) and saw that I had lost 2lbs since my fill on Thursday. I know that those 2lbs will fluxuate during the week but it was still fun to see a new number on the scale.

My husband has been losing weight as well and I asked him last night how much he currently weighs - 246lbs. So if he was to say the exact same, I would need to lose 50lbs from where I am now to be his weight. I know it will come, I've see it in you my blogging buddies, but that's frustrating as hell.


I've got to remember that this isn't about how fast I can lose weight, it is about setting realistic goals. I am focused on my "turkey test" for Thanksgiving. Only 7 lbs to go. I will get there! Maybe I'll even have a Wild Turkey shot to celebrate. (Though, I'd much prefer Gold Schlauger)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

first fill

I saw the FNP today for my first fill. She added 1.5cc to my 14cc band. The poke hurt more than I thought it would but no big deal. I need to write down questions I have. I swear I had 2 or 3 in my mind before I went in there but as soon as we started talking I went blank.

There were several larger women sitting in the waiting room and I wondered which procedure they were getting/had gotten. Today was the first time I wasn't the largest person sitting there. It felt great. The doc says my initial weight was 321 not 320 so I changed my ticker to reflect that. With that extra pound, I am down 23lbs.

My mom was so excited. She asked me if I thought I would be down 50 by Christmas. I told her my goal for Christmas is 40lbs but that right now I am focused on my "turkey test" of 10% (32lbs). I can't wait to prove to everyone that the band works - even on people with a starting BMI of 50+.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

NSV #3 & 4

NSV #3 - While I was soccer mom'ing it this weekend, I realized for the first time I felt kinda small in my folding chair. Granted, it is a chair we bought for me during pregnancy and the weight restriction is 350lbs - but I felt small. I could actually sit just about sideways in it. I giggled to myself when I noticed it.

NSV #4 - This morning I was rummaging through my closet looking for something to wear to work. I couldn't find my standard brown work pants so I dug deeper and pulled out a pair of pre-pregnancy work pants. I hadn't tried them on in months and I honestly didn't think they would fit. But low-and-behold - THEY DO! Zipped right up like magic. I've really got to get into the depths of my closet and find out what else fits.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Monday, November 2, 2009

mini get to know me

Inspired by Amanda - check out her blog
1.) My name is Nicole. Originally it was Helen Nicole but I dropped my first name when I got married which is technically against the law.
2.) I was born on August 20, 1979. Almost 1 month late - my poor mother.
3.) I've lived my whole life in North Carolina (Greenville, Boone, Raleigh, Garner). From birth until the age of 18, I lived in the same bedroom.
4.) I want to take a long vacation to Kenya. I might get eaten by a lion but at least then I would have seen one outside of the zoo.
5.) I have been in the "communication business" since 1999. It wasn't until I built a website that my mom accepted that as a career choice. I am by no means a web designer but it is something tangible.
6.) When my sister had gastric bypass in 2003, I swore I would never let myself get big enough to warrant WLS. And yet here we are!
7.) We have 3 pets: Maya (because she is myyyyy kitty); Kallie (because that was her name at the pound and we liked it) and Sam (because I loved Sam in Lord of the Rings -"I'm your Sam.")
8.) In March, my husband and I will have been together for 8 years; married for 3. We got married on our 5th anniversary in the bar where we met. We threw ourselves a surprise wedding.
9.) I think about getting my PhD. Then I think about all the things I would miss in my children's lives while I was studying/writing papers.
10.) I secretly worry that I won't be a good enough mom to my step-kids after their mother dies and I am the only mother they have left.

These are the things I love:
watching my son sleeping with his butt in the air, hot sweet tea with ice, anything considered mexican food, Aquafina, East Carolina University, watching snow fall at night, the smell of my cat's fur, my old winnie the pooh pillow, the fact that my husband wears drakkar even though he hates it, watching my stepkids play with Aidan, the pirate movie, sleeping under the comfortor with the fan on, baking cookies for my family, working with college students, lions, roller skating, being the voice of NC State on several university phone systems, pretending to work while I am blogging with you all

one month bandiversary and life update

Today is my one month bandiversary. I feel like I should be more excited than I actually am. I've lost 22lbs in a month, I can fit into some of my old jeans, and I know I am eating so much less than I used to. It's just, sigh, I haven't lost a pound in 2 weeks!!!! I am finally going to get my first fill on Thursday and I hope that will get me losing again.

Things have been busy the past 2 weeks, though. I spent a few days with my 92 yr old grandmother while she was in the hospital. It's so sad to have someone who means so much to you not even know who you are most of the time. However, I wouldn't trade the 3 minutes out of every hour that she knew who I was for anything in the world. It was hard being in my hometown with all my favorite restaurants. I did really well though - no trips to Ham's, Chico's, or Ernie's. All my favorite possessive nouns! They didn't possess me this time though.



My son had his 1st birthday last week. You can check out his b-day pics if you are interested. Of course we had lots of cake. My husband made his famous 10 layer cake. It is to die for. How could anyone pass up 10 layers of luscious yellow cake (2 boxes) and milk chocolate frosting (2 containers)? That would be me but only b/c of the band. I didn't have any cake on his actual birthday because I had eaten a piece of pizza and was so full. I did; however, have 1/2 a piece the next two nights! It was a damn good substitute for dinner. HA!

We have two more kids birthdays coming in November. I think we will get a cheap sheet cake that I won't even want to touch!

Then of course it was Halloween. I decided after spending way too much time looking at costumes that one of my goals for next year is to fit into a store-bought costume. It can be a plus size one but lord it has been years since I have even tried on a costume, let alone purchased one. I want to be a pirate wench. I will achieve that goal! We had an eventful Halloween night. Aidan decided to climb the stairs while his daddy and I were busy telling the 12yr old to get her costume on. He of course fell and bumped his noggin and then did not want to put his costume on. In the mean time, we had the dogs inside so that they wouldn't bark all night and Sam, our chewer, found a tube of steroid hand cream. He proceeded to puncture it and eat all of the petroleum based cream. I called Animal Poison Control (800-2131-6680 for all animal parents) and after charging us their standard $35 fee, they said he would be poopy and thirsty but just fine. We finally got Aidan in his costume, got the spooky make-up on the big kids and headed out. Aidan made 3 houses and then said he had had enough. Fortunately, my parents were there for the night, so he got to go home while the big kids trick-or-treated some more. You should see all the candy.

I am listening to Christmas music at work today. Can we just bypass Thanksgiving and go straight to Christmas?

I wanted to give a shout out to a couple of blogs that I've been following lately:

http://wellfiddledeedee.blogspot.com/ - her NSV post made me excited to see the changes in my body (right now all i am getting is smaller boobs!)

http://stardusticsjourney.blogspot.com/ - join the turkey challenge and set a Thanksgiving goal (if we are going to celebrate it, we might as well use it!)

http://andjustwhowereyouexpecting.blogspot.com/ - her costume made me pee in my pants (anyone else think it looks like a turkey?)

Hope everyone has a great week. I'm determined to lose at least 1 more pound before my fill on Thursday. I can do it!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

saturdays of the soccer mom

We had soccer today, like every Saturday in the fall and spring. I'm not really sure what the game of soccer is supposed to look like but most of the time it's just 13 yr old stepson running up and down the field. I do have to admit I wish he was playing football. At least then I would understand the game and how to cheer him on.

It has turned cold all of a sudden with high temps in the 60s (yes, that's cold for this time of year in NC). I realized this morning the only pants I had to wear to his game were work pants. This time last year I was in the hospital on bedrest waiting for Aidan to make his arrival and in the spring it was warm enough to wear shorts. I told my husband I had no weekend pants and that before next weekends game I needed to go buy at least one pair. So off I went into the closet to see if I could find a pair of weekend-maternity pants that would pass as regular pants. I pulled out a pair and was sadly getting ready to put them on when I came across a pair of jeans.

Now you have to you have to understand that I haven't worn jeans since the very beginning of my pregnany because I could never find any maternity jeans that I liked. And after having Aidan I couldn't fit into any of my old ones. I tried on all my 28s after most of my pregnancy weight was gone and none of them fit. I went shopping for jeans sometime in the spring hoping to find a pair that I liked and that fit. No luck.

So today when I grabbed an old pair out of the closet, I thought here we go again. Over my feet, up my calves, over the knees, up the thighs, around the waist ... and ... ZIP. OMG they zipped up! I couldn't believe it. I literally danced my way in to see my husband to show him. I imagine he wasn't as overcome with joy as I was but he said congratulations. I even called my mom on the way to the soccer game to tell her the good news. She's like me (or I guess rather I'm like her) and gets excited about little things too.


Although you can't see the fact that they are zipped - check it out - jeaned legs!! Another in hopefully a long line of NSVs.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

post-op visit

Went to see the doctor this morning for my post-op visit. I actually saw the Family Nurse Practioner instead of Dr. Enochs which stuck me as odd since everyone I spoke with in the office had been calling it "your appointment with Dr. Enochs." Fortunately, she's really nice and I feel very confortable with her.

She congratulated me on my 21lb loss (I read 299.8 fully clothed!!) and said that my incisions looked so good she didn't think I would have any scaring. I laughed and told her that these little cuts were nothing compared to my c-section scar. I have a 14cc AP-L band. And that it is primed with 2-3ccs but that it shouldn't cause any restriction yet as the 2-3ccs should just be in the tubing.

The best news is that she told me I could skip the puree stage and go straight to mushies/soft. YEAH - BYE BYE Liquids!! As soon as I left the doc I headed to the grocery store to pick up some things for work. I got grits, applesauce, and my favorite kajun krab dip (ala faux crab). I had the grits for a late breakfast but I made them too runny so they didn't stick around very long. The krab dip mmmmmmmmm is soooooo good. I only had like 2 tablespoons worth but man was it tasty. I even bought some thin crackers to put it on and they went down well. All in all I have had a very yummy day and only up to 330 calories. Looks like I may be having some more dip as a snack! The best way to eat it is on celery but I'll save the stringy stuff until I am a bit further out.


The tech that took my blood pressure and weight recommended that I try these protein shakes made by OhYeah. She swears they are delicious and with low calories, low carbs and 32g of protein definitely worth checking out. Anyone tried them before?

I go back in 2 weeks for my first fill. I won't be seeing Dr. Enochs yet again but instead is PA Brian. Lynn over at The Blubber Blog says that he is really nice so hopefully all will go well then.

The weather is much better today than it has been so I think I will take the little one on a stroll tonight. He loves pointing and jabbering at all the things in the neighborhood. I can't wait until I can actually jog with my jogging stroller. Maybe by the spring?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

broccoli n cheese soup for the soul

Thanks for all the encouragement. I think it just hit me this morning when I got on the scale and then after that opened last night's mail to see my pre-insurance billing statement from the hospital for $25,000. My husband asked "Can we give it back"? Fortunately, he was just kidding and is very supportive. He even offered to go on liquids with me but of course I didn't make him do it. Why would I wish this on anyone?

Tonight I am moving on to a new kind of soup - roasted potato and garlic (blended). So far I've had lots of tomato and strained broccoli n cheese. Ohh, it be marvelous to taste something new.

Yesterday, I was plugging my calories into the counter on fitday.com (thanks Brooke) and since I didn't have the package of broccoli n cheese soup here with me at work I Googled the nutrition facts. Now, mind you, I have been devouring it at least once a day since Saturday. My eyes about popped out of my head when I read 170 calories per 1/4 cup. I've been eating a whole cup and that is a whopping 680 calories! I just knew that wasn't right. I wouldn't have purchased something like that. Or did I in my OMG I GET TO BE ON FULL LIQUIDS HIGH purchase something so rich and calorie laden?

I decided that it couldn't be right. I wouldn't have done that. And on my way home stopped by the grocery store to confirm said decision. I quickly turned over the packet and low-n-behold there it was 170 calories per 1/4 cup!!!! But then in little letters beside 1/4 cup it said "(dry)" and near there it also said "1/4 dry makes 1 cup liquid." Ahhh sweet surrender, I had only been eating 1 serving at 170 calories not 4 servings at 680!

Lesson learned, don't trust online nutrition facts that aren't directly from the company's website.

playing with pounds

I wanted to write an excited post the day I got into the 200s (299.8 to be exact). I even took a picture of my feet on the scale (funny enough, it was the same day Amy did hers). I got rather busy that day at work and didn't get it posted.

The next morning I woke up, hopped on the scale as usual, and what did my bleary eyes see? 300.4 !!!!!! I shook it off and weighed myself a little later on 299.6. The next day I even got down to 299.2. This morning however, 301.2.






DAMN YOU 2 LBS!!!





So now it's been 5 days since I first hit 299.8 and I am still playing with the same 2 lbs. I think it might be a combination of two things: 1) not drinking enough water and 2) not eating enough calories. For instance, yesterday I had around 700 calories. I did worked really hard on the water part, though. I swear I felt like I was going to float away. Today, I am working on the calories.

I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day because weight is such a fluxuating thing but tomorrow is my first post-op appointment with the doc. I really want to be under 300 when I step on his scale fully clothed.

Friday, October 9, 2009

one week

As the Bare Naked Ladies say "Its been one week since you looked at me, Cocked your head to the side and said" you're banded!

What a week. Three days of pain meds, 2 days of tylenol, 1 day at work! - Well maybe 2 days at work if I can make it out of the house today.

I was so excited yesterday when I stepped on the scale and it read 300.0 lbs. Who the heck is excited to see 300.0 - well that would be someone who has been over 300 lbs since about 1/2 way through pregnancy which was in June 2008!! That means that in my one week of clear liquids I have lost 15lbs.



WOOHOO - be gone with you. No more 15lbs of weight dragging me down. Look at all the extra ribs I was carrying around!


Another reason to be happy today?

I GET TO START FULL LIQUIDS!!!


I was so ecstatic this morning that I made tomato soup for breakfast. Talk about tastey. So flavorful, so creamy  and it's just plain old Campbell's Tomato Soup. It really was mmm mmm good. Took me about 30 mins to finish this one little mug of soup. What a difference a week makes!!

I think I will take a can to work so I can have it for lunch as well. That is, if I actually get my rear in gear and head to work.

Have a great Friday everybody!

Big Daddy's Birthday

Thursday was my husband's 36th birthday. He's not a fancy guy and he doesn't like a lot of fuss. Ask him what he wants for his birthday and he will say "peace and quiet." I laugh every time he says that and respond back "you have 4 kids, 2 dogs, a cat, and a wife - there is no more peace and quiet."

Usually, we go out to eat as a couple for his birthday the weekend before/after the actual day. Last weekend I was doped up in recovery so maybe this weekend we will go somewhere with soup so I can enjoy too. But on the actual day, we usually just celebrate with a family dinner followed by homemade cookies or cookie cake. He doesn't like regular cake but strangely enough is a damn good cake baker. I'll have to post a pic of his master creation in a few weeks when I can actually enjoy a bite again. Here he is with the older 3 kids blowing out his candles.

The littlest one was already in bed but I did snap a shot of him with his older children - my 2 lovely red headed step children and 1 blonde step child (just doesn't have the same ring to it).




Billy Jr., the oldest, tried to take a picture of his father and me but every time someone was making a face. I decided to cut my husband out of the picture because he would have not liked any of the shots. He probably won't like this one either because my boob makes his shirt look like he has man boobs which is not true.

The strangest part of the evening for me was that I cooked dinner for the first time post-op. I made what we call "kitchen chicken" which basically is just boneless skinless chicken breasts with some evoo, salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and cayenne pepper. Of course I made Billy's favorite starchy sides of mashed potatoes and corn along with his favorite cheesy garlic chibatta bread. Talk about smells - the kitchen smelled soooooo good I just wanted to lick everything - especially the bread. I did really well though. I even fed the baby, well helped him feed himself, while everyone else ate. It was my first time back at the dinner table since surgery. Everything was going so well and then I almost made a mistake. I had been feeding the baby litle balls of mashed potatoes (yes they are that starchy) and instead of grabbing a napkin I went to lick my fingers. Fortunately, I realized what I was doing before I did it and promptly got a napkin. But damn that would have been sooooooooooo good.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

first NSV achieved!

Ok. I was going to go to work right after I did that post but then something marvelous happened.

At least once a week (sometimes daily) since my son was born almost a year ago, I do this sad little routine of trying on my engagement ring. I had to take it off about 1/2 way through my pregnancy and I haven't been able to wear it since.

When I decided to get the band, I put "wear my engagement ring again" on my list of things to accomplish post-surgery. I've tried it on every day since surgery hoping that it would fit. Today, 5 days post surgery - I have had my first NSV!!! Check it out - yippeeeeeeee.


back to work and then some

Today will be my first day back to work since having surgery last Friday. I initially intended to go back yesterday but my larger incision site was really painful. Going to go for 1/2 a day today with the possibility of staying all day. Just depends on how I feel.

Side note: my younger stepson has the word "feel" as one of his spelling words this week - poor little southern kid can't say "feel" he always says "fill." We have worked so hard on E's and I's but just think how hard it must be when you here everyone around you saying "GIT" instead of "GET." The whole thing just makes me laugh when people talk about feeling their fill.

I added the Wal-mart brand slim-fast to my diet yesterday. It felt so good to taste something other than water, chicken broth, and popsicles. Doc suggests adding a clear protein during week 1 but I had the slim-fast so I threw caution to the wind and added it instead. Everything seems to be going smoothly. I am down almost 20 lbs since my last visit with my surgeon and 15lbs since surgery. One little LB is keeping me from being in the 2s. I am ready to be done with the 3s FOREVER!

I thought this morning, as I was in the potty, about Amy's "fart, fart, not a fart" situation. Guess it is true if you only put liquids in you are only going to get liquids out! I was ecstatic, though, because I hadn't pooped since the day before my surgery - going on 6 days! Isn't it funny how we all commiserate in our poop problems?

And on that note ... Hello to my new followers and I hope everyone has a lovely Wednesday.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

how long on liquids

I know each doctor is different so I thought I would pose the question to all you lovely ladies. How long were you on clear liquids and full liquids post-surgery?

It's only been 4 days and I am just about over clear liquids. Bring on the creamy soup!

pre-op photos

I asked my husband if he would mind if I put pics up here with me in my undies. He didn't object, heck he even took them, so here we go!

(pics removed b/c i am applying for a new job and i'm sure they will google me)
This is my pre-op body. We took these the morning of surgery. My weight at surgery was 313lbs. My skin is severely stretched from when I was pregnant and had pre-eclampsia. Ugh-- too many stretch marks. Additionally, my post-baby-body has a horrible flap of skin hanging down around my whoo-haa. That will be the first thing to be lopped off after I reach my goal weight.

My weight at my last appointment with the surgeon was 320 so down 7 lbs pre-surgery.

My first mini-goal is to be below 300 within 2 weeks of surgery. As of today, 2 days post-op, I am down to 308 so it looks like I am well on my way to meeting that first goal! I haven't weighed less than 300 lbs since I was pregnant with Aidan. It will be such a relief just to be back in the 2s!!

Also wanted to throw in a picture of my incisions. I have 3 small and 1 medium.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

banded and drugged

Everything went well yesterday. The pain drugs are making my eyes feel funny so this will be a short post.

Thanks to everyone's encourgement. Glad to finally be on the other side of this!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

tomorrow, it's only a day away

Actually, it is less than 11 hours from my surgery. I will check in at 5:15am and hope to be in surgery around 7:30. I've done a really good job on my liquid only diet today. My husband let me lick his reese's peanut butter pumpkin but I didn't take a bite.

Thanks for all the encouragement up to this point, my dear blog buddies. See you on the other side!

one day to go

Today is my required 24hrs of clear liquids prior to surgery. I took the day off from work so that I could get the house in order before going to the hospital tomorrow. My parents will be here to help my husband with the  children and to make sure I am resting like I should. Of course them coming makes me feel the extra need to straighten up today.

I also have to FINALLY go get supplies for my clear and full liquids weeks. Last night I had a good southern girl last meal - Bojangles chicken-n-biscuits. It was tastey. I had planned to have a piece of apple pie before going to bed but I was so stuffed that I didn't even try it. Guess that's a step in the right direction.

Speaking of meals - how have those of you with children, husbands, significant others handled cooking dinner while you were on liquids? Did you get the other adult to cook for a few weeks or did you muster through?

Monday, September 28, 2009

inspiration photos

I think Kristen had a very poignant blog post the other day about inspiration photos.

I used to love taking pictures of myself or as part of a group. I acknowledged I was heavier but I always did my best to look less-fat in pictures than I really was. - Like turning to the side was really fooling anyone. -

I took tons of pictures of my HUGE pregnant self. I didn't care that I was almost 400lbs. I was pregnant and I wanted pictures. Check out this one a few days before Aidan made his arrival. I was so swollen I could hardly see! That is a 5X gown that I bought about 2 months before I gave birth. I had grown out of my regular 3X and was worried that a 4X wouldn't make it all the way through. I still wear them even though they are too big now.

That was almost a year ago now. They will be one of the first things to go!


But after the birth of my son, I saw this picture of me at my return to work/post-baby shower and I have avoided the camera ever since.

I actually cried about it a couple of times when I would see pictures of people with their infant children. My son would have no record of the two of us together during his first year of life because I simply refused to be infront of the camera. I hate my post-partem body, the last 30lbs of baby weight that I can't get rid of, the horrible scar from my emergency c-section, and the large flap of skin/fat left over from gaining almost 100lbs.



But to speak to the positive side ... I also have a picture of myself from about 10 years ago. I was the skinnest I had been in a few years and I looked amazing. Though at the time I probably thought I was huge - little did I know the weight/size yet to come! When I decided to have WLS I put that picture on my dresser along with one of my son. They remind me even when I am frustrated, can't find something to wear, sweaty from simply getting dressed, that change is coming. And now only 3 days left!

liquid courage

I know you have them, in fact you probably have them right there on that computer. I'm talking about those soup recipes that helped you through multiple weeks of clear and creamy liquids.

I've never made soup before unless you count - open can, add water, stir. But I am ready to chop, boil, and puree, I just need to your recipes. I thought about just using recipes off the web but I don't want to spend all that time in preparation to only be disappointed in the end.

I'm trusting you my blog buddies - send me in the right direction!

pre-op visit at the hospital

Even though I am still stick with bronchitis the doc says to go ahead and do my pre-op visit at the hospital today. I'm not sure what tests they will be running but I am ready.

Surgery is scheduled for Friday and if all goes well I will be done by 10am.

Can't believe I am so close!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Bariatric Specialists of North Carolina

My docotor just updated his website. Thought I would give him a mention.

Bariatric Surgery, Weight Loss Surgery, Lap band in Raleigh - Bariatric Specialists of North Carolina

Shared via AddThis

liquid preparation

Lately, every time my husband and I got to Wal-Mart I look through the protein/meal replacement/breakfast shakes they have spread throughout the pharmacy section. Yet, instead of purchasing some to try out before surgery, I leave empty handed. Billy keeps telling me - you need to try something now so we can stock up before hand. But I just can't seem to spend the money on them when I'm not even sure I will like them.

I drank chocolate Slim-fast a lonnnnnnnnnng time ago when it was in the little metal can and it was ok. But there are so many different brands and flavors now. Where do I even begin? What types of shakes/drinks to you ladies enjoy and where do you get them? Do I need to purchase them from GNC or my doctor - or will Wal-mart suffice?

Help!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

having a moment

I just realized that 3 weeks from tomorrow I will be banded. OMG - 3 weeks!!!

It didn't seem so close last week when they told me that October 2nd was open. But now when I look at the calendar, it just seems so soon. If my doctor was one to require pre-surgery liquids, I'd be on my last week of real food!

I'm not one of those people who have been thinking about surgery for years. I honestly didn't think I would ever do it until I was exhausted and sweaty from lugging my 6 month old (now 10 month old) into daycare every day. He is the reason I want to be thin. I want to be able to chase him while he is young, not be the awkward fat mom at school functions, and live long enough to be a grandma to his kids. I have made this happen very quickly in just 4 months and for some reason today the quickness just seems overwhelming. I'm not backing down just having a freak out moment here at work!

I can't imagine what Lynn (http://blubberyblogger.blogspot.com/) went through finding out that her sugery would be in 2 days! Although, maybe that would be better than knowing in advance. That way you only have a couple of days to freak out. Kudos to Lynn though, she is doing great already. I hope Dr. Enochs can do my surgery through the bellybutton, too!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

tomorrow's appointment

i've been so busy with a sick baby (damn ear infections) that i haven't had much chance to think about my upcoming appointment or blog about it. tomorrow is my pre-op results visit and hopefully the day we will schedule my surgery. i am so ready to quit talking about WLS like it is some far off distance land. - in my best veruca voice "i want it now!"

last night my mother-in-law was talking about WLS and that her doctor had recommended she go to a seminar on the lap band. now, even though she doesn't have as much weight to lose as me, i really think she would be better with GBP instead of the band. - why you ask ?? - i just don't think she is committed enough to be able to work the band. for example, she had knee replacement surgery over a year ago and didn't do all of her physical therapy so she still has a bad limp. i think she would have it taken out after a few months because it would require too much from her. at least with GBP as long as she ate in small doses - she could eat whatever she wanted and still lose weight.

Friday, August 7, 2009

are my boobs magnetic?

I know it's been awhile but I swear I have been thinking about you ....

I had the MRI a week ago today. Could they make that thing any smaller? I swear my elbows were touching the sides even when I had them stretched above my head. Plus it was hot as hell in there!

HELLO - 300lbs of woman stuck in a tube! Can you at least turn on a fan?

I made the tech come over and wipe my face b/c it was so sweaty. I told him my cheeks were sweaty too and he said "uhh i hope you mean the ones on your face."

Fortunately, it was only 20 minutes long. The tech says the bigger the organ the quicker the scan is. For a toe, it could take upwards of 60mins!

The funniest part of the whole thing was that when the machine really got going ... my boobs started to throb. Turns out that breastmilk is semi-metallic and even though I haven't breastfed in months I still may have some residual milk tucked away in there. It was a very strange feeling.

And after all that .... doctor says my liver is "normal."

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

don't ask, don't tell?

We were planning to tell all the kids together about my decision to have WLS and what it will mean for me and our family. However, two of the three stepkids have been at their mom's house all summer so we just haven't had a chance to have a family meeting.

The eldest stepkid is in the mist of his two weeks of "Nana Camp" - spending time at my parents' house doing swim lessons, chess lessons, bike rides, etc. Sometime last week he overheard my parents talking about "when Nicole has surgery..." and it totally freaked him out. In an effort to calm him, my parents decided to tell him about the WLS and tried to answer any questions that he had.

He told my mom that he loved me no matter what I weighed. She was suprised by just how much love he showed towards me. Makes me smile just thinking about it. :)

So now we have to tell the other two and what I am really worried about is that they won't be able to handle it especially with the situation going on with their mother. I don't want the 8 yr old thinking he might lose both his real mother and me all at the same time. Those of you with kids - how did you tell them?

I've told my parents, siblings, and boss because she had to approve my being out of work. I haven't yet told any of my friends or coworkers. Billy told at least one of his siblings but I'm not sure who else (guess I should ask him tonight).

Who all did you choose to tell/not tell? How did you tell people and what was their response?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

there's a lesion on my liver ... get it off *clap*clap*

Ok so maybe "happy and you know it" isn't the most appropriate song reference but it just popped into my head.

I heard back from the nurse regarding the request for me to have an MRI. The radiologist who reviewed my ultrasound saw a spot on my liver. They want me to have the MRI to get a better look at whatever it may be.

My mom has several spots on her liver (all benign) so I am hoping this is just another thing I inherited from her. Not as cool as big boobs but not as snotty as allergies.

So back to the hospital I go next week to have the MRI. You should have heard the list of precautionary questions the tech asked before she could schedule me for the actual procedure. Do you have a pacemaker; do you have metal shards in your head, eyes, or body; do you have a mechanical valve; do you have a hearing aid; do you have any eights (GO FISH!!).

I've had an MRI before for my torn ACL but this time I will have to go all the way into the machine. Hopefully they will have something to put over my eyes so I don't get the "OMG I'm in a casket syndrome."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

yet another test

Got a call from the Dr. today letting me know that I need to have an MRI as part of my pre-surgical workup. This is not part of the regular pre-op program so I was totally caught off guard.

The first lady I spoke with tried to reassure me that this "just needs to be done sometimes." Of course that answer didn't cut it for me and my control issues. So I've called back and now I am waiting for a nurse to call me.

Anyone else have to have an MRI as part of pre-op testing?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

i want my babyback babyback babyback

and i don't mean ribs!!

we are headed to my parent's house sometime today to get Aidan back. he has been doing swim lessons with his nana for almost 2 weeks! we did have a few days with him last weekend but i think this is the longest he has been away since he was born.

my brother posted some videos on facebook but i can't seem to figure out how to get them off of there and on here. i told him just to make me copies of the originals so hopefully i can post them sometime early next week.

speaking of facebook, feel free to "friend me" there. i don't talk about WLS b/c not everyone knows but i always welcome more friends. i am "mamawood" there too.

we will be dropping off Billy jr. for his turn at swim lessons. i think he is really nervous about being the oldest kid there that doesn't know how to swim. i know he will do just fine as long as he tries.

hope all is well. have a great weekend everybody!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Co-workers and Bathing Suits

This weekend we went to a birthday party for my co-worker's son. He was turning 4 and since they spend most of their free time at the pool of course he wanted a pool party. All of our kids wanted to go since we don't go swimming as a family very often.

I know that people at work know that I am fat. It's not like I'm totally delusional but there is something to be said about them knowing I'm fat in work clothes vs. them knowing I am fat in a bathing suit. Especially since the co-worker throwing the party weighs like 90lbs and runs marathons! She's really nice and I don't think she is very judgemental - it's just the thought of it all hanging out there.

I don't have a problem with total strangers looking/making mental comments but as soon as I have to see that person making the judgement on a daily basis - I am totally self conscious. I didn't used to be this way!!

I wanted to stay in the water and never come out. I felt like the girl in the "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" song. (Of course mine was not itsy bitsy or teenie weenie - but you get the point)

--- Now she's afraid to come out of the water
And I wonder what she's gonna do
Now she's afraid to come out of the water
And the poor little girl's turning blue ---

All that said, I put on a brave face and the kids had a marvelous time. Here we all are in all of our swimming glory!


Thursday, July 9, 2009

speaking of control ...

My husband who suffers from severe acid reflux was complaining last night that his stomache was bothering him and then what did he do -> eat a hersey's bar and drink a coke!

You've got to me kidding me! I couldn't believe he was sitting there eating those things that he knew were going to make him sick. I went to bed and he sat up late because he couldn't lay down without coughing up acid. UGH!

This morning, I realized that it isn't any different than my eating 2 biscuits and a sweet tea each morning. I do it even though I know it is making me fat.

Why do we do these things to ourselves?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

control issues

I met with the psychologist yesterday. It was my first time "on the couch." I swear just being in that room made me want to cry and I wasn't even upset about anything. The Dr. was a very nice young man. I say young man because he couldn't have been any older than I am. If he was, I want to know what kind of skin regime he uses! But I digress ...

He asked me all the standard questions, talked about the pre-op and post-op requirements, and of course tried to dive deep into my psyche all in a 30 min appointment. The most interesting and resonating thing that he said was that I have control issues - especially in dealing with my weight.

He said that I am highly educated, have a job in public relations (which of couse is all about control), and have a well managed household with 4 kids. And yet I can't seem to gain control over this one area of my life ... my weight and it was driving me mad.

He suggested that I had chosen lap-band over gastric bypass because I felt that the band would allow me to be in control of my weight loss in a way that gastric bypass wouldn't. Deep down I think he is right. I need to be in control of my body, my weight loss, my life. Is that such a bad thing?

And of course my husband thinks it is hilarious that the doc said I have control issues. He said that he had known that for years but that he loves me anyway (even if I am a controling bitch - HA!).

i miss him!

My mom has my son Aidan this week for his first attempt at swim lessons. At 8 months old I am sure it is more "play in the water" lessons but it's more about exposure than technique.

My parents are such awesome grandparents. Even though they live an hour and 1/2 away, I swear they see him at least every 2 weeks. They took care of him while I delt with my post-partem complications, they watch him if Billy and I need a night out, they kept him quarantined when I had pneumonia, and now swim lessons for 2 weeks! He is so lucky to have such a great Nana and Papa.


Last night my husband said - it is too quiet around here. It is true. My 3 step-children are spending the summer with their very sick mother trying to spend as much time together as possible. And now Aidan is gone, too! I told Billy last night "this is what it will be like when we get old ... just the 2 of us ... that going to be ok?" He smiled and said "of course."


Fortunately, my mom is bringing him home for the weekend. She and papa will need a few days rest before week #2.


Here's Aidan about a month ago with his new found love of dill pickles. How could you not miss those big blue eyes?


tests and decisions

I had my big pre-op testing on Monday. EKG, Upper GI, RUQ Ultrasound, Chest X-ray, and blood work - WHEW! What a way to spend a Monday morning.

I think that the people doing those tests were much more interested in my upcoming surgery than the nutritionist I met with last week. They asked lots of questions and seemed truly excited for me. It was odd having all these strangers knowing that I was going to have WLS. I haven't even told my best friend yet!

My mom went with me so that my husband didn't have to take time off work. She is paying for all of my pre-op testing as my big 30th birthday present. She originally gave me a choice between a trip or jewerly. I decided last weekend to ask her for pre-op instead. My insurance covers most of it but Monday's tests alone were almost $300 out-of-pocket. I think I made the right decision. Is there a better present out there than a new healthy life?

Here we are at my birthday dinner - 2 years ago.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

nutritionist-smitionist!

I guess you could say I've checked off the box next to "see a nutritionist." Please pay $55.

I was very disappointed in the visit. She was very nice but that's about it. She basically read to me from a hand out that is pretty much word-for-word in the book that my surgeon already gave me.

Seriously? You don't have any advice specifically taylored for ME? She told me that if I had any questions before or after the surgery to e-mail her and if I wanted to come back in post-op she would help me work on a plan. Why couldn't we work on a plan before the surgery ... you know have something place for when I come home?

Just seems silly to me to pay someone $55 to regurgitate material. But at least that box is checked now.

Monday, June 29, 2009

motherly advice

My mom and I went to see the Jersey Boys this past weekend. It was a pretty good show even if I was her 2nd choice date (dad was sick).


We talked quite a bit about my decision to have the lap-band. She asked a lot of questions and of course almost cried. She kept saying "if this is what you want to do ...." I don't know what to make of that. She has talked about me having WLS since 2003. She wanted me to do it at the same time my sister had her gastric bypass but I refused. She has mentioned it no less than once a month for the past 6 years and now that I am finally going to do it she says "if this is what you want to do ...." I just don't get it!

Anyone else out there have parents who talk about your weight constantly?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Weight history to June 2009

I never thought I was overweight as a kid. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the skinnest girl in the class but I wasn't the biggest either.

Puberty came and along with it my mother's big boobs! No matter what I ate/didn't eat there they were. I was an active pre-teen, I took dance lessons and danced on a school sponsored team. But I never looked as skinny as the other girls.

In high school, I dieted and dieted. But no matter what I did I still had big boobs and big hips. My prom dress was a size 18.

Weight History:

1997: senior year HS - 196lbs (BMI 31.6 - I had no idea I was obsese at 18)
1998: freshman 15 err 25 - 220lbs
1999: tore ACL and became non-active - 230lbs
2000: counciled by registered dietician - 250lbs
2001-2005: trying to find the numbers
2006: start weight-watchers - 282lbs
2007: wedding day - 249lbs
2008: pre-pregnancy - 289lbs, end-of-pregnancy - 372lbs
2009: january - 330lbs, june - 320lbs (BMI 51.2)

Pre-Surgery Weight - TBD
Realistic Goal Weight - 180lbs
Government Goal Weight - 130lbs (that would give me a BMI of 21 "perfect" according to the US gov't)

First of many appointments

I had my initial visit with the bariatric surgical office last week. It was supposed to be first thing Tuesday morning but due to a 2 HOUR traffic delay ... I had to reschedule for that afternoon. Unfortunately, that meant that Husband could not go with me. He was bummed.

I met with the nurse practitioner who went over the details of the surgery and how I am at the high-end of the BMI scale for lap-band. She questioned whether or not I really wanted to do lap-band vs. gastric bypass and I told her I was 110% committed to going the lap-band route. I have seen what gastric bypass can do (via my sister's surgery) but I really prefer something much safer/less invasive.

They weighed me on the biggest scale I have ever seen. It was exactly what I thought it would be - 320lbs. See weight history.

After that it was mostly paperwork and of course writing that magic check to get the whole process underway. Interesting though that I actually didn't meet with the surgeon. They save that for visit 2 after all my test results have been received.

I've got several appointments/tests coming up in the next few weeks. They would have been almost been done by now except I have been sidelined with pneumonia. Lots of coughing fun! The lung doctor says that I should be well enough to proceed with the other tests in another 2 weeks. I've scheduled the nutritionist and psychologist in the mean time - hope they don't care if I cough my way through the sessions.

Husband says he would write me a note stating that I am indeed crazy if it meant we could avoid paying the psychologist. I doubt the insurance folks would take his note but it could be worth a shot! Who know's me better than him?

Friday, June 19, 2009

the past 3 years

I am so disappointed in myself. How did I let myself get this way?

-2006-
I did so well on Weight Watchers almost 3 years ago. I lost about 40lbs in just 6 months. I worked hard at it too. I had a goal - we were getting married and I didn't want to look like a cow in my wedding dress. Then we decided to elope and there went all my motivation. Billy didn't care how much I weighed so why should I?

-2007-
One year went by and what did I do ... I regained it all!

I don't blame anyone except myself - though it was a damn hard year. We got married, bought a house, gained custody of his oldest son (12 at the time), and then his job temporarily transferred him to California (for 6 months)! Whew, am I glad that year is over.

-2008-
When he got back from California we did what any good newlywed couple would do in that situation - if you know what I mean. Turns out though ... even after years of doctors telling me I was infertile and even though I was on the pill ... lots of F'ing will get you pregnant!

So there I was, back at my highest weight ever and pregnant (2008). Pregnancy did not sit well with my body. I got gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, and eventually pre-eclampsia. After a week and 1/2 on hospitalized bed rest, our lovely Aidan was born via emergency c-section. Soon after that I went into congestive heart failure, had to have a blood transfusion, and spent another week in the hospital.

-2009-
Finally after a couple of months dealing with an incision that wouldn't heal and blood pressure that wouldn't go down ... I made it through my post-partum phase. By the time it was all said and done, Aidan was almost 3 months old and I was just beginning to feel like myself again. During that time, Billy's ex-wife was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and we gained custody of his other 2 children. Talk about a life-changing experience. We went from 1 kid to 4 kids in a matter of two weeks.

I returned to work in January nearly 2 months earlier than expected because Billy had been laid off and there was no need in both of us being home with the baby. While I welcomed the return to work, it was difficult at best. I missed being home with Aidan. I still do and probably always will.

So there it is - 3 years in less than 7 paragraphs. I'm hoping the next 3 years will be just as dramatic but in a more positive sense. I look forward to losing weight and being able to give my son the mom he deserves.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

the decision

I think it was the moment that I was winded walking my 7 month old into daycare that I realized I had to do something drastic.

I thought to myself - how was I ever going to be the kind of mom that I wanted to be when just getting him in the car, out of the car, and into the daycare center each morning was taking my breath away. And making me sweat like a pig on top of it!

So here I go on my journey to be (LAP)banded for life (my life, my baby's life, my husband's life).