I met with the psychologist yesterday. It was my first time "on the couch." I swear just being in that room made me want to cry and I wasn't even upset about anything. The Dr. was a very nice young man. I say young man because he couldn't have been any older than I am. If he was, I want to know what kind of skin regime he uses! But I digress ...
He asked me all the standard questions, talked about the pre-op and post-op requirements, and of course tried to dive deep into my psyche all in a 30 min appointment. The most interesting and resonating thing that he said was that I have control issues - especially in dealing with my weight.
He said that I am highly educated, have a job in public relations (which of couse is all about control), and have a well managed household with 4 kids. And yet I can't seem to gain control over this one area of my life ... my weight and it was driving me mad.
He suggested that I had chosen lap-band over gastric bypass because I felt that the band would allow me to be in control of my weight loss in a way that gastric bypass wouldn't. Deep down I think he is right. I need to be in control of my body, my weight loss, my life. Is that such a bad thing?
And of course my husband thinks it is hilarious that the doc said I have control issues. He said that he had known that for years but that he loves me anyway (even if I am a controling bitch - HA!).
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Now follow me on this one. You know that a bulemic or anorexic usually are perfectionist, or feel like they arent good enough, so they choose to go to extremes with their food intake...bc it's one thing they can control? I actually think that our overeating is the same thing. Some people feel alone or sad or depressed, so they turn to food. They can control their desire for food. Meaning...they know there is an empty void, so the one thing they can do is go and eat and eat and eat. You may not be able to fix being alone, but you sure can choose to eat everything in your cabinet. the more i talk about it, the less sense it makes...but this is a good post you made!
ReplyDeletelol...I am rambling.
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteFound you through Amy's blog :) Congrats on your decision. It will be a good one for you, as one who's 'been there, done that I can vouch too :)' Look forward to your next post(s)
Cara
Oh good I think we're long lost twins!
ReplyDeleteSame career, same issues with food, same control issues.
I totally agree with Amy. Eating is the one thing that's mine. I control it and I also use it to rebel- sometimes I think I am rebelling against myself more than anyone else.
I am so rigid sometimes, so black and white. And I would NEVER, EVER hold anyone to the expectations that I hold myself to.