vlog - take 9 - action!

It didn't look so dark on the video camera. Next time I'll turn on the light!

thanks for weighing in (haha) on my scale dilemma

The thing that gets me is that I would think that I weigh more in the middle of the day than I did in the morning. In the morning I haven't eaten anything and I don't have clothes on! How can I be 3lbs heavier in that scenario than at the doc's office?

Right now it's not such a big deal but the slower the weight comes off the harder it will be to not choose the scale that is the lowest.

who do you trust

I got my 2nd fill today with the lovely nurse practitioner. She told me that she won't be leaving the practice after all - even though she moved 2 hours away. She will still be there on Thursdays/Fridays for awhile longer. YAY! She put in another 1.5ccs giving me a total of 3ccs in my 14cc band. I do find it kind of odd that they don't remove the saline to check how much is in there before they put more in. How would we ever know if I sprung a leak or if they missed the port?

I weighed myself this morning (as every morning) before I got into the shower. My home Weight Watchers scale said 295. I was rather disappointed because that is 1/2 a pound heavier than I was over the weekend but I know that fluxuations occur so I tried not to be too sad.. I was then pleasantly surprised that when they weighed me at the doc's office fully clothed - I weighed 292. That's a 3 pound difference and I had on clothes! So now the big question is do I move my ticker? Do I automatically subtract 3lbs from whatever my home scale says?

Who do you trust?? Your home scale or the one at the doctor's office?

i've got a fillin' (woohoo)

I finally heard back from my surgeon's office regarding my request to have my fill done earlier than originally scheduled. It was supposed to be December 4th making it 4 weeks from my first fill. I haven't felt any restriction since about the 2nd day after the fill and I've been able to eat just about anything I wanted. Granted, I had the one PB experience but I honestly chaulk that up to not chewing well enough since I had only had 3 bites of food before it happened.

The nurse said that I can schedule a fill as close as 2 weeks from my last fill. I thought about scheduling it next week but then I thought ... what happens if I am too tight and everyone is off celebrating Thanksgiving! So it looks like I will be heading to the doc tomorrow. It will have been 2 weeks and 1 day.

Another banded friend of mine "heard somewhere" that people with larger bands (like me at 14ccs) don't get real restriction until around 9ccs. I'm trying not to focus on that. Like my husband says "don't rush it." A few posts ago, I referenced the green zone diagram that my surgeon uses. I found an image of it online. Right now, I am totally in the yellow zone. Hopefully fill #2 will get me at least a little closer to the green zone.

new followers abound!

Looks like there are lots of new people joining the banded blog community. I've seen several shoutouts to new followers and it looks like my own list is growing as well. Welcome to our online support group. That sounds too technical. How about, welcome to our loving/caring/sharing online community of friends!

The Bandster Quiz

Bandster Quiz

1. How long have you been banded? 1 month, 2 weeks

2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 321/294/27

3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? cottage cheese

4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? I don't drink them very often but it is Carnation Sugar Free

5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band? Fresh chewy bagels (good answer Angie) or yeast rolls slattered in honey butter

6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? cajun crab dip

7. What was your worst PB experience? I've only PB'd once so far and it started infront of my parents, my children, and my husband.

8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? Being patient with the slow fill process. I want restriction NOW!

9. What is your best NSV to date? Expanding my wardrobe by bringing out clothes that I haven't been able to wear in years.

10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band? (top NSV maybe?) To no longer be the fat sister. My sister was always heavier than me growing up. Then one day she had gastric bypass. All of a sudden (or so it seemed) I was now the fat sister. My ultimate goal is for us to both be the skinny sisters!

11. What is your goal weight or size? I'd like to be a size 12. I'd be smaller than my mom then. I'm sure that hasn't been the case since I was in middle school.

12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? Protein first

13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? I drink soda.

14. What is your goal "reward"? Knee surgery when I get under 200 and plastic surgery when I am at goal.

15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? I am thankful to have such a loving support system. There is no way that I could have made it this far without them. I am also thankful that this holiday season I will be skinnier than I have been in 2 years.

stop ... turkey time

Stepped on the scale this morning and saw 294! That puts me at 27lbs down and only 5lbs to my turkey test goal. I know I can do it!

After my lovely win on the scale I headed to the breakfast table. We had my parents over this weekend for Billy Jr & Dalton's birthday parties. My mom had gone to get biscuits for breakfast. Now, I've had a biscuit or two since since surgery and everything has been just fine. This morning I ate a little bit of the egg from my biscuit (gotta get protein first) and then reached for a couple of french fries. I had two bites of the fries ... and then it hit me. I was stuck!

I got up, drank some hot coffee, and walked around the kitchen but nothing was working. I walked to the bathroom and it happened. My first PB. I knew it would happen eventually but why did it have to happen in front of all the kids and my parents? Though, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I just coughed and up it came. Needless to say I then had a protein drink for breakfast and only had cottage cheese for lunch.

I'd gotten so comfortable with my non-restriction that I think I had forgotten rule #1 - CHEW CHEW CHEW!!! I've got to remember that especially when it comes to the upcoming holidays. Good to know that my band is actually there.

lessons learned

Although my mom was never happy to have 3 overweight children, she did her best to always make sure that we felt confident no matter what weight we were. It wasn't until I was out of high school that she started talking about my weight. I guess she felt that since I was an adult she could mention it without causing too much damage. Or perhaps it was when I started to get over 200 that it started to matter.

Shortly after my sister's gastric bypass, my mom really started to harp on my weight. Though, it was never outright always half-said or in a passing comment. I was never hurt by her comments regarding my weight, I just really didn't want to hear them. I knew I was fat - did I really need my mother reminding me? One Easter I had enough and I told her what I thought about her comments - right there in my bra, underwear and pantyhose. She cried. I felt bad. She stopped ... for awhile.

I think about these things as I have conversations with my stepdaughter (SD). She isn't large but according to her BMI she is overweight. SD reminds me a lot of myself at her age. Big boobs and all. Her father and I have always talked openly about how we wanted to lose weight. She (and her younger brother) talk about how they like being "pleasingly plump." That phrase - that I despise - comes from their mother, who is probably on the light end of the obese scale (BMI 30ish) herself. I saw an e-mail that she sent to SD back when SD first started living with us about a year ago. SD had lost some weight when she first moved in with us simply because we cook actual meals at our house and don't let them eat junk or drink soda all day long. The e-mail referenced SD's weightloss and said that she hoped that SD wouldn't lose too much weight b/c what would she have to hold on to. REALLY? Your daughter who already weighs more than an adult should is losing weight and you discourage her?

I try to remind all of my children - while at the same time loving them for who they are - that we all should want to strive to be as healthy as possible. Eat right and move more. I tell them even the skinny one (5'9 - 125lbs) shouldn't eat junk food all the time and that playing video games does not constitute activity. I make sure that they know loving yourself and being confident should come at any weight but that being healthy is also important.

When I told all the kids about my upcoming surgery, they were shocked. The oldest/skinny one told my mom that he didn't want me to have surgery because he loved me the way I am. I made sure to explain to them that my desire to lose weight/have surgery had nothing to do with not being happy or confident, it had everything to do with the fact that I wanted to live long enough to see them grow up.

Even with all that said, this PostSecret (you should check out the blog) touched something inside me.

testing, testing, 1,2,3

This morning I am proctoring an exam for the State Employees Credit Union. It is a gig my former boss got me into a few years ago. I sit here for 4 hours and make some cash. Not too bad for a Saturday morning.

I only do it a couple of times a year so they are a good group to test my weight loss on. I hadn't seen these folks since August and I was hoping that someone would notice my weight loss so far. I thought someone would mention it while we were waiting for all the students. Nothing. I thought someone would mention it while I was passing out tests. Nothing. I was just about to give up on it when the first person to turn in a test said "Have you lost weight?"

WOO HOO - VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!

Speaking of weight loss, I stepped on the scale this morning (as I do every morning) and saw that I had lost 2lbs since my fill on Thursday. I know that those 2lbs will fluxuate during the week but it was still fun to see a new number on the scale.

My husband has been losing weight as well and I asked him last night how much he currently weighs - 246lbs. So if he was to say the exact same, I would need to lose 50lbs from where I am now to be his weight. I know it will come, I've see it in you my blogging buddies, but that's frustrating as hell.

I've got to remember that this isn't about how fast I can lose weight, it is about setting realistic goals. I am focused on my "turkey test" for Thanksgiving. Only 7 lbs to go. I will get there! Maybe I'll even have a Wild Turkey shot to celebrate. (Though, I'd much prefer Gold Schlauger)

first fill

I saw the FNP today for my first fill. She added 1.5cc to my 14cc band. The poke hurt more than I thought it would but no big deal. I need to write down questions I have. I swear I had 2 or 3 in my mind before I went in there but as soon as we started talking I went blank.

There were several larger women sitting in the waiting room and I wondered which procedure they were getting/had gotten. Today was the first time I wasn't the largest person sitting there. It felt great. The doc says my initial weight was 321 not 320 so I changed my ticker to reflect that. With that extra pound, I am down 23lbs.

My mom was so excited. She asked me if I thought I would be down 50 by Christmas. I told her my goal for Christmas is 40lbs but that right now I am focused on my "turkey test" of 10% (32lbs). I can't wait to prove to everyone that the band works - even on people with a starting BMI of 50+.

NSV #3 & 4

NSV #3 - While I was soccer mom'ing it this weekend, I realized for the first time I felt kinda small in my folding chair. Granted, it is a chair we bought for me during pregnancy and the weight restriction is 350lbs - but I felt small. I could actually sit just about sideways in it. I giggled to myself when I noticed it.

NSV #4 - This morning I was rummaging through my closet looking for something to wear to work. I couldn't find my standard brown work pants so I dug deeper and pulled out a pair of pre-pregnancy work pants. I hadn't tried them on in months and I honestly didn't think they would fit. But low-and-behold - THEY DO! Zipped right up like magic. I've really got to get into the depths of my closet and find out what else fits.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

mini get to know me

Inspired by Amanda - check out her blog
1.) My name is Nicole. Originally it was Helen Nicole but I dropped my first name when I got married which is technically against the law.
2.) I was born on August 20, 1979. Almost 1 month late - my poor mother.
3.) I've lived my whole life in North Carolina (Greenville, Boone, Raleigh, Garner). From birth until the age of 18, I lived in the same bedroom.
4.) I want to take a long vacation to Kenya. I might get eaten by a lion but at least then I would have seen one outside of the zoo.
5.) I have been in the "communication business" since 1999. It wasn't until I built a website that my mom accepted that as a career choice. I am by no means a web designer but it is something tangible.
6.) When my sister had gastric bypass in 2003, I swore I would never let myself get big enough to warrant WLS. And yet here we are!
7.) We have 3 pets: Maya (because she is myyyyy kitty); Kallie (because that was her name at the pound and we liked it) and Sam (because I loved Sam in Lord of the Rings -"I'm your Sam.")
8.) In March, my husband and I will have been together for 8 years; married for 3. We got married on our 5th anniversary in the bar where we met. We threw ourselves a surprise wedding.
9.) I think about getting my PhD. Then I think about all the things I would miss in my children's lives while I was studying/writing papers.
10.) I secretly worry that I won't be a good enough mom to my step-kids after their mother dies and I am the only mother they have left.

These are the things I love:
watching my son sleeping with his butt in the air, hot sweet tea with ice, anything considered mexican food, Aquafina, East Carolina University, watching snow fall at night, the smell of my cat's fur, my old winnie the pooh pillow, the fact that my husband wears drakkar even though he hates it, watching my stepkids play with Aidan, the pirate movie, sleeping under the comfortor with the fan on, baking cookies for my family, working with college students, lions, roller skating, being the voice of NC State on several university phone systems, pretending to work while I am blogging with you all

one month bandiversary and life update

Today is my one month bandiversary. I feel like I should be more excited than I actually am. I've lost 22lbs in a month, I can fit into some of my old jeans, and I know I am eating so much less than I used to. It's just, sigh, I haven't lost a pound in 2 weeks!!!! I am finally going to get my first fill on Thursday and I hope that will get me losing again.

Things have been busy the past 2 weeks, though. I spent a few days with my 92 yr old grandmother while she was in the hospital. It's so sad to have someone who means so much to you not even know who you are most of the time. However, I wouldn't trade the 3 minutes out of every hour that she knew who I was for anything in the world. It was hard being in my hometown with all my favorite restaurants. I did really well though - no trips to Ham's, Chico's, or Ernie's. All my favorite possessive nouns! They didn't possess me this time though.

My son had his 1st birthday last week. You can check out his b-day pics if you are interested. Of course we had lots of cake. My husband made his famous 10 layer cake. It is to die for. How could anyone pass up 10 layers of luscious yellow cake (2 boxes) and milk chocolate frosting (2 containers)? That would be me but only b/c of the band. I didn't have any cake on his actual birthday because I had eaten a piece of pizza and was so full. I did; however, have 1/2 a piece the next two nights! It was a damn good substitute for dinner. HA!

We have two more kids birthdays coming in November. I think we will get a cheap sheet cake that I won't even want to touch!

Then of course it was Halloween. I decided after spending way too much time looking at costumes that one of my goals for next year is to fit into a store-bought costume. It can be a plus size one but lord it has been years since I have even tried on a costume, let alone purchased one. I want to be a pirate wench. I will achieve that goal! We had an eventful Halloween night. Aidan decided to climb the stairs while his daddy and I were busy telling the 12yr old to get her costume on. He of course fell and bumped his noggin and then did not want to put his costume on. In the mean time, we had the dogs inside so that they wouldn't bark all night and Sam, our chewer, found a tube of steroid hand cream. He proceeded to puncture it and eat all of the petroleum based cream. I called Animal Poison Control (800-2131-6680 for all animal parents) and after charging us their standard $35 fee, they said he would be poopy and thirsty but just fine. We finally got Aidan in his costume, got the spooky make-up on the big kids and headed out. Aidan made 3 houses and then said he had had enough. Fortunately, my parents were there for the night, so he got to go home while the big kids trick-or-treated some more. You should see all the candy.

I am listening to Christmas music at work today. Can we just bypass Thanksgiving and go straight to Christmas?

I wanted to give a shout out to a couple of blogs that I've been following lately:

http://wellfiddledeedee.blogspot.com/ - her NSV post made me excited to see the changes in my body (right now all i am getting is smaller boobs!)

http://stardusticsjourney.blogspot.com/ - join the turkey challenge and set a Thanksgiving goal (if we are going to celebrate it, we might as well use it!)

http://andjustwhowereyouexpecting.blogspot.com/ - her costume made me pee in my pants (anyone else think it looks like a turkey?)

Hope everyone has a great week. I'm determined to lose at least 1 more pound before my fill on Thursday. I can do it!