a long time coming

I've been hiding in the shadows of blogland for, wow, almost 5 months. I think my reluctance to post came from my disappointment with this whole banding process. Things went so well from October 2009 - February 2010 and then everything just stopped. Up to that point I had lost 45lbs which was great but not amazing since I had done the same thing on Weight Watchers a few years back.

Then came the struggle with my port which resulted in a report in May. After the report, with no where near the same amount of fluid in my band I gained back several (read: 10) of the pounds that I had lost before all the damn port trouble. I was very angry, ashamed, and down right depressed. Here I had paid thousands of dollars (twice) to have this band and I had hardly anything to show for it.

I've struggled to be patient and get myself back up to pre-report restriction but come on did I really have to start this damn process over again? I just about lost my mind waiting and waiting to get back up to 7ccs in my 14cc band. Finally in August we reached that point and things started moving.

Cut to October 2, 2010 - my bandiversary. I had finally dropped those 10 lbs that I had gained during my port struggles, I went to a wedding wearing a cute dress that I bought at a regular store (still from the plus sized section but not from a plus sized store), my blood pressure was extremely better (117/72), my asthma was better, and overall I felt like things were moving in the right direction.

I've lost an additional 2 lbs in the past week which puts me almost 50lbs down since surgery and 101 lbs down since my highest weight (the day I gave birth to my son). I can honestly say that this past year has been a difficult one but I'm hoping this next year with the band proves to be a fantastic one.

Here's to never weighing 376 pounds again!!!

it counts!

I was pleasantly surprised to see that the scale moved this morning. I have finally moved past my 10% goal. I moved my ticker to reflect the loss of 33lbs since the start of this WLS journey.

I was thinking maybe I need two tickers. While 33lbs reflects my weight loss since I started the pre-op diet, in the past year I have actually lost 87lbs. Granted, I was 8 months pregnant at my highest weight, but that still counts as LBs lost - right?

It's been 2 months since I was banded. I want it to move faster. It's my fault though. I haven't been drinking enough water and I haven't started a good exercise routine. It doesn't help that I get every stupid cold/virus that my little one brings home from daycare. (like today - sniff sniff, cough, sniff sniff) But I'm the only one that can do it. I need to focus! Drink more water, get off my ass, and move that scale along.

thanks for weighing in (haha) on my scale dilemma

The thing that gets me is that I would think that I weigh more in the middle of the day than I did in the morning. In the morning I haven't eaten anything and I don't have clothes on! How can I be 3lbs heavier in that scenario than at the doc's office?

Right now it's not such a big deal but the slower the weight comes off the harder it will be to not choose the scale that is the lowest.

who do you trust

I got my 2nd fill today with the lovely nurse practitioner. She told me that she won't be leaving the practice after all - even though she moved 2 hours away. She will still be there on Thursdays/Fridays for awhile longer. YAY! She put in another 1.5ccs giving me a total of 3ccs in my 14cc band. I do find it kind of odd that they don't remove the saline to check how much is in there before they put more in. How would we ever know if I sprung a leak or if they missed the port?

I weighed myself this morning (as every morning) before I got into the shower. My home Weight Watchers scale said 295. I was rather disappointed because that is 1/2 a pound heavier than I was over the weekend but I know that fluxuations occur so I tried not to be too sad.. I was then pleasantly surprised that when they weighed me at the doc's office fully clothed - I weighed 292. That's a 3 pound difference and I had on clothes! So now the big question is do I move my ticker? Do I automatically subtract 3lbs from whatever my home scale says?

Who do you trust?? Your home scale or the one at the doctor's office?

stop ... turkey time

Stepped on the scale this morning and saw 294! That puts me at 27lbs down and only 5lbs to my turkey test goal. I know I can do it!

After my lovely win on the scale I headed to the breakfast table. We had my parents over this weekend for Billy Jr & Dalton's birthday parties. My mom had gone to get biscuits for breakfast. Now, I've had a biscuit or two since since surgery and everything has been just fine. This morning I ate a little bit of the egg from my biscuit (gotta get protein first) and then reached for a couple of french fries. I had two bites of the fries ... and then it hit me. I was stuck!

I got up, drank some hot coffee, and walked around the kitchen but nothing was working. I walked to the bathroom and it happened. My first PB. I knew it would happen eventually but why did it have to happen in front of all the kids and my parents? Though, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I just coughed and up it came. Needless to say I then had a protein drink for breakfast and only had cottage cheese for lunch.

I'd gotten so comfortable with my non-restriction that I think I had forgotten rule #1 - CHEW CHEW CHEW!!! I've got to remember that especially when it comes to the upcoming holidays. Good to know that my band is actually there.

lessons learned

Although my mom was never happy to have 3 overweight children, she did her best to always make sure that we felt confident no matter what weight we were. It wasn't until I was out of high school that she started talking about my weight. I guess she felt that since I was an adult she could mention it without causing too much damage. Or perhaps it was when I started to get over 200 that it started to matter.

Shortly after my sister's gastric bypass, my mom really started to harp on my weight. Though, it was never outright always half-said or in a passing comment. I was never hurt by her comments regarding my weight, I just really didn't want to hear them. I knew I was fat - did I really need my mother reminding me? One Easter I had enough and I told her what I thought about her comments - right there in my bra, underwear and pantyhose. She cried. I felt bad. She stopped ... for awhile.

I think about these things as I have conversations with my stepdaughter (SD). She isn't large but according to her BMI she is overweight. SD reminds me a lot of myself at her age. Big boobs and all. Her father and I have always talked openly about how we wanted to lose weight. She (and her younger brother) talk about how they like being "pleasingly plump." That phrase - that I despise - comes from their mother, who is probably on the light end of the obese scale (BMI 30ish) herself. I saw an e-mail that she sent to SD back when SD first started living with us about a year ago. SD had lost some weight when she first moved in with us simply because we cook actual meals at our house and don't let them eat junk or drink soda all day long. The e-mail referenced SD's weightloss and said that she hoped that SD wouldn't lose too much weight b/c what would she have to hold on to. REALLY? Your daughter who already weighs more than an adult should is losing weight and you discourage her?

I try to remind all of my children - while at the same time loving them for who they are - that we all should want to strive to be as healthy as possible. Eat right and move more. I tell them even the skinny one (5'9 - 125lbs) shouldn't eat junk food all the time and that playing video games does not constitute activity. I make sure that they know loving yourself and being confident should come at any weight but that being healthy is also important.

When I told all the kids about my upcoming surgery, they were shocked. The oldest/skinny one told my mom that he didn't want me to have surgery because he loved me the way I am. I made sure to explain to them that my desire to lose weight/have surgery had nothing to do with not being happy or confident, it had everything to do with the fact that I wanted to live long enough to see them grow up.

Even with all that said, this PostSecret (you should check out the blog) touched something inside me.

testing, testing, 1,2,3

This morning I am proctoring an exam for the State Employees Credit Union. It is a gig my former boss got me into a few years ago. I sit here for 4 hours and make some cash. Not too bad for a Saturday morning.

I only do it a couple of times a year so they are a good group to test my weight loss on. I hadn't seen these folks since August and I was hoping that someone would notice my weight loss so far. I thought someone would mention it while we were waiting for all the students. Nothing. I thought someone would mention it while I was passing out tests. Nothing. I was just about to give up on it when the first person to turn in a test said "Have you lost weight?"

WOO HOO - VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!

Speaking of weight loss, I stepped on the scale this morning (as I do every morning) and saw that I had lost 2lbs since my fill on Thursday. I know that those 2lbs will fluxuate during the week but it was still fun to see a new number on the scale.

My husband has been losing weight as well and I asked him last night how much he currently weighs - 246lbs. So if he was to say the exact same, I would need to lose 50lbs from where I am now to be his weight. I know it will come, I've see it in you my blogging buddies, but that's frustrating as hell.

I've got to remember that this isn't about how fast I can lose weight, it is about setting realistic goals. I am focused on my "turkey test" for Thanksgiving. Only 7 lbs to go. I will get there! Maybe I'll even have a Wild Turkey shot to celebrate. (Though, I'd much prefer Gold Schlauger)

first fill

I saw the FNP today for my first fill. She added 1.5cc to my 14cc band. The poke hurt more than I thought it would but no big deal. I need to write down questions I have. I swear I had 2 or 3 in my mind before I went in there but as soon as we started talking I went blank.

There were several larger women sitting in the waiting room and I wondered which procedure they were getting/had gotten. Today was the first time I wasn't the largest person sitting there. It felt great. The doc says my initial weight was 321 not 320 so I changed my ticker to reflect that. With that extra pound, I am down 23lbs.

My mom was so excited. She asked me if I thought I would be down 50 by Christmas. I told her my goal for Christmas is 40lbs but that right now I am focused on my "turkey test" of 10% (32lbs). I can't wait to prove to everyone that the band works - even on people with a starting BMI of 50+.

one month bandiversary and life update

Today is my one month bandiversary. I feel like I should be more excited than I actually am. I've lost 22lbs in a month, I can fit into some of my old jeans, and I know I am eating so much less than I used to. It's just, sigh, I haven't lost a pound in 2 weeks!!!! I am finally going to get my first fill on Thursday and I hope that will get me losing again.

Things have been busy the past 2 weeks, though. I spent a few days with my 92 yr old grandmother while she was in the hospital. It's so sad to have someone who means so much to you not even know who you are most of the time. However, I wouldn't trade the 3 minutes out of every hour that she knew who I was for anything in the world. It was hard being in my hometown with all my favorite restaurants. I did really well though - no trips to Ham's, Chico's, or Ernie's. All my favorite possessive nouns! They didn't possess me this time though.

My son had his 1st birthday last week. You can check out his b-day pics if you are interested. Of course we had lots of cake. My husband made his famous 10 layer cake. It is to die for. How could anyone pass up 10 layers of luscious yellow cake (2 boxes) and milk chocolate frosting (2 containers)? That would be me but only b/c of the band. I didn't have any cake on his actual birthday because I had eaten a piece of pizza and was so full. I did; however, have 1/2 a piece the next two nights! It was a damn good substitute for dinner. HA!

We have two more kids birthdays coming in November. I think we will get a cheap sheet cake that I won't even want to touch!

Then of course it was Halloween. I decided after spending way too much time looking at costumes that one of my goals for next year is to fit into a store-bought costume. It can be a plus size one but lord it has been years since I have even tried on a costume, let alone purchased one. I want to be a pirate wench. I will achieve that goal! We had an eventful Halloween night. Aidan decided to climb the stairs while his daddy and I were busy telling the 12yr old to get her costume on. He of course fell and bumped his noggin and then did not want to put his costume on. In the mean time, we had the dogs inside so that they wouldn't bark all night and Sam, our chewer, found a tube of steroid hand cream. He proceeded to puncture it and eat all of the petroleum based cream. I called Animal Poison Control (800-2131-6680 for all animal parents) and after charging us their standard $35 fee, they said he would be poopy and thirsty but just fine. We finally got Aidan in his costume, got the spooky make-up on the big kids and headed out. Aidan made 3 houses and then said he had had enough. Fortunately, my parents were there for the night, so he got to go home while the big kids trick-or-treated some more. You should see all the candy.

I am listening to Christmas music at work today. Can we just bypass Thanksgiving and go straight to Christmas?

I wanted to give a shout out to a couple of blogs that I've been following lately:

http://wellfiddledeedee.blogspot.com/ - her NSV post made me excited to see the changes in my body (right now all i am getting is smaller boobs!)

http://stardusticsjourney.blogspot.com/ - join the turkey challenge and set a Thanksgiving goal (if we are going to celebrate it, we might as well use it!)

http://andjustwhowereyouexpecting.blogspot.com/ - her costume made me pee in my pants (anyone else think it looks like a turkey?)

Hope everyone has a great week. I'm determined to lose at least 1 more pound before my fill on Thursday. I can do it!

post-op visit

Went to see the doctor this morning for my post-op visit. I actually saw the Family Nurse Practioner instead of Dr. Enochs which stuck me as odd since everyone I spoke with in the office had been calling it "your appointment with Dr. Enochs." Fortunately, she's really nice and I feel very confortable with her.

She congratulated me on my 21lb loss (I read 299.8 fully clothed!!) and said that my incisions looked so good she didn't think I would have any scaring. I laughed and told her that these little cuts were nothing compared to my c-section scar. I have a 14cc AP-L band. And that it is primed with 2-3ccs but that it shouldn't cause any restriction yet as the 2-3ccs should just be in the tubing.

The best news is that she told me I could skip the puree stage and go straight to mushies/soft. YEAH - BYE BYE Liquids!! As soon as I left the doc I headed to the grocery store to pick up some things for work. I got grits, applesauce, and my favorite kajun krab dip (ala faux crab). I had the grits for a late breakfast but I made them too runny so they didn't stick around very long. The krab dip mmmmmmmmm is soooooo good. I only had like 2 tablespoons worth but man was it tasty. I even bought some thin crackers to put it on and they went down well. All in all I have had a very yummy day and only up to 330 calories. Looks like I may be having some more dip as a snack! The best way to eat it is on celery but I'll save the stringy stuff until I am a bit further out.


The tech that took my blood pressure and weight recommended that I try these protein shakes made by OhYeah. She swears they are delicious and with low calories, low carbs and 32g of protein definitely worth checking out. Anyone tried them before?

I go back in 2 weeks for my first fill. I won't be seeing Dr. Enochs yet again but instead is PA Brian. Lynn over at The Blubber Blog says that he is really nice so hopefully all will go well then.

The weather is much better today than it has been so I think I will take the little one on a stroll tonight. He loves pointing and jabbering at all the things in the neighborhood. I can't wait until I can actually jog with my jogging stroller. Maybe by the spring?

playing with pounds

I wanted to write an excited post the day I got into the 200s (299.8 to be exact). I even took a picture of my feet on the scale (funny enough, it was the same day Amy did hers). I got rather busy that day at work and didn't get it posted.

The next morning I woke up, hopped on the scale as usual, and what did my bleary eyes see? 300.4 !!!!!! I shook it off and weighed myself a little later on 299.6. The next day I even got down to 299.2. This morning however, 301.2.

DAMN YOU 2 LBS!!!





So now it's been 5 days since I first hit 299.8 and I am still playing with the same 2 lbs. I think it might be a combination of two things: 1) not drinking enough water and 2) not eating enough calories. For instance, yesterday I had around 700 calories. I did worked really hard on the water part, though. I swear I felt like I was going to float away. Today, I am working on the calories.

I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day because weight is such a fluxuating thing but tomorrow is my first post-op appointment with the doc. I really want to be under 300 when I step on his scale fully clothed.

one week

As the Bare Naked Ladies say "Its been one week since you looked at me, Cocked your head to the side and said" you're banded!

What a week. Three days of pain meds, 2 days of tylenol, 1 day at work! - Well maybe 2 days at work if I can make it out of the house today.

I was so excited yesterday when I stepped on the scale and it read 300.0 lbs. Who the heck is excited to see 300.0 - well that would be someone who has been over 300 lbs since about 1/2 way through pregnancy which was in June 2008!! That means that in my one week of clear liquids I have lost 15lbs.

WOOHOO - be gone with you. No more 15lbs of weight dragging me down. Look at all the extra ribs I was carrying around!


Another reason to be happy today?

I GET TO START FULL LIQUIDS!!!

I was so ecstatic this morning that I made tomato soup for breakfast. Talk about tastey. So flavorful, so creamy  and it's just plain old Campbell's Tomato Soup. It really was mmm mmm good. Took me about 30 mins to finish this one little mug of soup. What a difference a week makes!!

I think I will take a can to work so I can have it for lunch as well. That is, if I actually get my rear in gear and head to work.

Have a great Friday everybody!

Weight history to June 2009

I never thought I was overweight as a kid. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the skinnest girl in the class but I wasn't the biggest either.

Puberty came and along with it my mother's big boobs! No matter what I ate/didn't eat there they were. I was an active pre-teen, I took dance lessons and danced on a school sponsored team. But I never looked as skinny as the other girls.

In high school, I dieted and dieted. But no matter what I did I still had big boobs and big hips. My prom dress was a size 18.

Weight History:

1997: senior year HS - 196lbs (BMI 31.6 - I had no idea I was obsese at 18)
1998: freshman 15 err 25 - 220lbs
1999: tore ACL and became non-active - 230lbs
2000: counciled by registered dietician - 250lbs
2001-2005: trying to find the numbers
2006: start weight-watchers - 282lbs
2007: wedding day - 249lbs
2008: pre-pregnancy - 289lbs, end-of-pregnancy - 372lbs
2009: january - 330lbs, june - 320lbs (BMI 51.2)

Pre-Surgery Weight - TBD
Realistic Goal Weight - 180lbs
Government Goal Weight - 130lbs (that would give me a BMI of 21 "perfect" according to the US gov't)

First of many appointments

I had my initial visit with the bariatric surgical office last week. It was supposed to be first thing Tuesday morning but due to a 2 HOUR traffic delay ... I had to reschedule for that afternoon. Unfortunately, that meant that Husband could not go with me. He was bummed.

I met with the nurse practitioner who went over the details of the surgery and how I am at the high-end of the BMI scale for lap-band. She questioned whether or not I really wanted to do lap-band vs. gastric bypass and I told her I was 110% committed to going the lap-band route. I have seen what gastric bypass can do (via my sister's surgery) but I really prefer something much safer/less invasive.

They weighed me on the biggest scale I have ever seen. It was exactly what I thought it would be - 320lbs. See weight history.

After that it was mostly paperwork and of course writing that magic check to get the whole process underway. Interesting though that I actually didn't meet with the surgeon. They save that for visit 2 after all my test results have been received.

I've got several appointments/tests coming up in the next few weeks. They would have been almost been done by now except I have been sidelined with pneumonia. Lots of coughing fun! The lung doctor says that I should be well enough to proceed with the other tests in another 2 weeks. I've scheduled the nutritionist and psychologist in the mean time - hope they don't care if I cough my way through the sessions.

Husband says he would write me a note stating that I am indeed crazy if it meant we could avoid paying the psychologist. I doubt the insurance folks would take his note but it could be worth a shot! Who know's me better than him?