lessons learned

Although my mom was never happy to have 3 overweight children, she did her best to always make sure that we felt confident no matter what weight we were. It wasn't until I was out of high school that she started talking about my weight. I guess she felt that since I was an adult she could mention it without causing too much damage. Or perhaps it was when I started to get over 200 that it started to matter.

Shortly after my sister's gastric bypass, my mom really started to harp on my weight. Though, it was never outright always half-said or in a passing comment. I was never hurt by her comments regarding my weight, I just really didn't want to hear them. I knew I was fat - did I really need my mother reminding me? One Easter I had enough and I told her what I thought about her comments - right there in my bra, underwear and pantyhose. She cried. I felt bad. She stopped ... for awhile.

I think about these things as I have conversations with my stepdaughter (SD). She isn't large but according to her BMI she is overweight. SD reminds me a lot of myself at her age. Big boobs and all. Her father and I have always talked openly about how we wanted to lose weight. She (and her younger brother) talk about how they like being "pleasingly plump." That phrase - that I despise - comes from their mother, who is probably on the light end of the obese scale (BMI 30ish) herself. I saw an e-mail that she sent to SD back when SD first started living with us about a year ago. SD had lost some weight when she first moved in with us simply because we cook actual meals at our house and don't let them eat junk or drink soda all day long. The e-mail referenced SD's weightloss and said that she hoped that SD wouldn't lose too much weight b/c what would she have to hold on to. REALLY? Your daughter who already weighs more than an adult should is losing weight and you discourage her?

I try to remind all of my children - while at the same time loving them for who they are - that we all should want to strive to be as healthy as possible. Eat right and move more. I tell them even the skinny one (5'9 - 125lbs) shouldn't eat junk food all the time and that playing video games does not constitute activity. I make sure that they know loving yourself and being confident should come at any weight but that being healthy is also important.

When I told all the kids about my upcoming surgery, they were shocked. The oldest/skinny one told my mom that he didn't want me to have surgery because he loved me the way I am. I made sure to explain to them that my desire to lose weight/have surgery had nothing to do with not being happy or confident, it had everything to do with the fact that I wanted to live long enough to see them grow up.

Even with all that said, this PostSecret (you should check out the blog) touched something inside me.